“What the hell!”

Well, week two is over. And might I say it was a thousand times better than week one! Where week one depressed me and made me feel like I was unwanted, week two has made me feel very connected to my fellow students. Where week one made me think I was stuck at school and would never finish, I now feel like not only can I do this, I can continue to excel. Where week one made me think it is all a waste of my time and money to pursue this dream, week two has brought me a career possibility, and not one I would have ever dreamed of!

“Ever notice how ‘what the hell’ is always the right answer?” is a quote from Marilyn Monroe. She is hardly an idol of mine but I do like that quote and it made me get to this week with my sanity intact. I just let my anger go and thought “What the hell’ for the dance audition. It was short, thank goodness and the thought of me doing some of those moves- rubbing all over myself and rolling on the floor, made me feel ridiculous and it was all I could do to keep from rolling around laughing instead of dancing. I mean really, a woman my age who is a klutz trying to be sexy in front of a couple of professors, a gaggle of 20-somethings and a choreographer who probably never thought he would have to endure his work being butchered the way I did, is much more hilarious than alluring!! So I had to just say, “What the hell!”

In my playwriting class I was unsure about what to expect and if I would fit in at all. I have never attempted to write a play even though I am obsessed with writing in general, and I know lots of the other members of the class have written lots of plays. I just tell stories, silly, useless stories about my everyday life. So I just decided “what the hell” and guess what, so far in class we have written about our own life events. I am not quite the loser I was afraid I would come off as!

In directing I was afraid to answer a question in class. My fear of failure along with other extenuating circumstances made me timid and I was struggling. Until I decided, “what the hell!” If I screw up then so be it, I am tired of trying to be right and proper all of the time. This week we have had very interesting discussions and today I got up in front of the class and analyzed a movie I saw on Monday.

And then there is dance class. I LOVE our workout. I could workout for the full hour and 15 minutes, every day actually, and be ecstatic!! But that is only the first 15- 20 minutes. Even the across the floor stuff doesn’t scare  me like it used to. I am not very good, let me rephrase that- I am the worst in class, but I am trying. Now we have moved on to an actual routine (or whatever you call an actual dance with choreography, set to music.) And that I am hopeless at! I can not remember what comes next after we turn around, and that is the very first move! One of the sweet girls in class emailed me the moves, but all I can do is memorize it the same way I memorized the periodic table for chemistry. By the time I remember the next move, the group is four more moves through the dance. I then skip a bunch to try to catch up which I am not sure if that is best but I think so. While I try to logically decide if I should move on, the dance is over, so I strike a pose. “What the hell!” I am sure is replaced in the teacher’s mind with “What the hell was that??” I have to try and think, “what the hell” because I am doing the best I can.

I came to college excited to learn about stage make up (but will not get to take that class), some easy stage combat (I won’t get to do that either) and dance. I love to watch dancers and always wanted to be one. But to start something like this at my age and as a very unbalanced, uncoordinated woman who falls down a lot, is not to be. I know the terminology and can spell in French now, but in actual practical application, I am a loser. So all I can say is “what the hell” and try my best to stay out of the way of these young people who either are dancers or I see such huge improvement as they become dancers.

I ended the week hanging out after directing class with one of my favorite classmates who was actually asking for my advice! Nothing makes you feel good faster than someone acting as if they value your opinion! So I gave them my opinion- what the hell!

My only regret in all of this is that once again this week we are not using our season tickets to the Alabama football game. We were able to give them to some dear friends which is nice, but I am ready to see the Tide play in person.  Tonight we are going to the Homewood High School football game, so I guess I will have to be content with that. My son, Jon is calling the Spain Park game across town for 97.3 The Zone radio so we are not all together to watch, but we will be together tomorrow in our den, eating pizza and watching as much football as possible. Which reminds me of one more story from last week’s dance audition. As the choreographer called numbers of the dancers he wanted to see again ( and of course he did not call my number, thank goodness!) I was walking quickly to the wings of the stage. Sitting on a table on stage right was a guy who was in one of my classes last semester and who I really like. So as the choreographer loudly called “34- 45- 47” I yelled “HIKE!” and laughed. No one else laughed and the guy from my class looked blankly at me. I said “34- 45- 47- hike! You know like in football.” He slowly shook his head, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sorry, no clue.” WOW!  What the….?!!