I think we all know there is a huge difference between what we want and what we need.Those of us with children certainly saw them want things that we knew they did not need at all. I think we often see that with God. We think we need something and when we don’t get it we feel deprived. Usually we soon realize that we never really “needed” whatever we were hoping for, we just wanted it. God knew better.
I have thought about all of this a lot since my last post. I was scared about the mud I saw in a video from the last group to just get back from Panama. I realized how uptight I have become and the thought of letting go and sliding around in mud scared me. I have realized since then that this is probably just what I need. Not necessarily to be covered in mud, but to relax about things in life.
This past week I was alone. Tim went to Chicago to a big All-Star race. His team won last year and they won this year. I am very proud of them! The last time I was left alone I kind of went nuts. I got really paranoid and nervous. It was very un-me! This time I did very well. I had projects to finish, lines to learn and several outside activities planned. I actually really enjoyed the week. For the first part of the week I conducted an experiment. There will be those of you who don’t get this, but some of you might. Tim left on Monday afternoon. I had showered on Sunday before church and then on Monday I worked out and got busy until time to take him to meet up with his crew. I wore sweats and no make up all day, something I rarely do. On Tuesday I got up and decided to move a sofa from one side of the house to the other. I had asked Jon to help me, but realized it was my scatter-brained idea to move it so I thought I would just try on my own and see what happened. It took a lot of work and a lot of finagling (spell check accepted that- I am shocked!) but I did finally get it moved. I had a huge bruise on my ankle where I dropped the couch on myself and I was sweating profusely, but I was very proud of myself. Since I was doing manual labor I was still in sweats, still no make up. I decided to make this state of being an experiment. The next day I got up, worked out and still in sweats and no make up or jewelry I walked to the cupcake store. I had promised Jon I would get him cupcakes for his Wednesday night supper group, so I pushed the experiment and entered a store in my neighborhood, sweaty and unadorned. I had a lovely conversation with the lady behind the counter brought on by the fact that I was wearing one of my University of Montevallo T-shirts. (I apologize to my alma mater for representing you so sloppily!) I am sure she assumed I was out running, even though in my neighborhood, I think most everyone dons full make up when they run! I walked home. I did some yard work before getting a call from my son who told me one of his supper companions was following him to our house to pick up the cupcakes. I told him that was fine. He then pointed out that I had seemed to be having “stay at home kind of days” this week so he didn’t know if I wanted anyone to see me. So as not to embarrass my child, I told him if he would come to the door alone I would gladly hand him the cupcakes rather than rushing out to his car in all my slovenliness.
I began to think about how much the face we show to the world represents who we are, but isn’t really at all who we are. It is what we feel like we want the world to see, but maybe sometimes we need to let the world see the real person underneath. I was not at all embarrassed to see people on the street or in the cupcake store in my state of naturalness. It did not make me intimidated or less friendly. The whole week made me realize how little I can get by with. I ate very healthy, but small meals. I watched little or no TV. I worked out hard and studied different things I had been interested in lately. I was still and quiet most of the time and I enjoyed it. I slept really well!
Come Thursday morning I was up and at ’em early. I showered and washed my hair for the first time in four days and fully dressed- make up and all. I ran errands, bought some new books, gathered supplies for my trip and eventually met Jon for dinner at a new Italian restaurant. We had a lovely evening. Could I have gone out to dinner in my sweat clothes, with no make up? I don’t know. It is so in my mindset to dress up all of the time. It was a real stretch for me to be so unkept for so long! I think it shows respect in yourself and the people you are with to take the time and effort to be clean, dressed and pulled together. But it certainly made me rethink a few things to be so uncaring about how I looked and what people thought for that short amount of time.
As I pack and plan to leave for Panama I realize that when left to my own devices, I can live minimally, but when confronted with all of the “things” in our society I choose comfort and luxury every time. How will I fare when there is no luxury? I think I will be OK. I think I am adaptable and can put aside the things I want and live with only the things I need. I have seen it in my packing already. Would it get to me if I stayed longer than a week? Don’t know. But I think after my week alone I can see myself playing in the mud and relaxing and enjoying myself in a different environment. I think I can be free to learn and work. I think I love having almost every want fulfilled, but I realize that I am blessed to have everything I need. Others are not as lucky. Knowing the difference between what I want and what I really need and being grateful for whatever I have is the key!
