You never know what a day will hold. I have to say that if you asked me yesterday I would have told you I was not looking forward to today. I was feeling sick and had my “autorama” to do in class. What is an autorama you might ask. Well, I don’t really know. (I have just done one and seen 5 others but I still don’t know!) When it was assigned I googled it and got nothing helpful- just stuff about cars. And every time I write it, the word gets underlined as misspelled! It was loosely explained to us as a 8-10 minute presentation where we told about a pivotal point in our life. We could present it any way we wanted. Our professor did not want to give us too much guidance, he wanted us to be creative. Sometimes I LOVE that and sometimes it terrifies me.
I practiced my autorama yesterday on my back patio and made my poor husband be my audience. I packed all of my props- long life equals lots of baggage I guess. My plan was to get to school early and ask if I could set up and go first. My only hesitation was my sickness. How would I feel and could I sing?? I ate a good dinner last night, went to bed early and slept late this morning. Sleep is the best thing ever and I woke up feeling much better! So I dressed, loaded up and headed to Montevallo. I put my stuff in the room which was totally rearranged and threw me for a moment. I went to my teacher’s office and he was fine with me setting up and going first. So I got set up and put chairs out for the students. About then another student came in, ready to practice and go first. Well, the early bird and all that jazz!! Sorry! I watched him rehearse and then just as class was going to start, another student came in, insisting he HAD to go first.
At this point I will step back to explain a few things. First off, I have decided to be more “all about me” this year. I always try to put every one else first, but for this, my senior year, I decided to do what was best for me for once. So my inclination was to say no. The second thing I need to explain is about this student who HAD to go first. I have had at least one class with him every semester I have been at Montevallo. He is a quirky guy but because of that , and other things, I like him. He has endured having to partner me in Ballet One- he should hate me! But instead he has spent 2 years saying odd things around me always followed by, “I hope SOMEONE hears this and puts me in HER blog.” And because of that I have 1) never put him in this blog (I mean it has become a gag, I can’t mess with that) and 2) I like him even more (but don’t tell him!) So when he tells me he HAS to go first because he will need to step out afterwards to smoke six cigarettes, I am torn. I mean, it is the “all about me” year! And smoking kills people! But I assume he is going to do something emotional so I agree to move my stuff and let him go first.
In a class like this we are in a “studio” setting, which means we are safe to be open and honest and will not be criticized or talked about outside of the classroom. I take that seriously, so I will not divulge his presentation here. Let me just say I was moved. My heart raced, I was uncomfortable and I was troubled at the same time. I was empathetic and maybe, just maybe, decided I like him even a little bit more. I was breathless as he left the room. I hesitated- I was supposed to go after THAT!! NO WAY! But I had made my bed…
My presentation was ok I guess. Some of the other presentations made me laugh, some made me tear up and some made me think. As usual I was impressed with the talent at UM. Afterwards, I felt we should not talk, but somehow we couldn’t help ourselves. We chatted and then talked a bit deeper and then I left. I feel better but not 100% yet, so I wanted to be home and rest. I came home to edit our BFA script. I think I have decided rather than hide that I am doing this from my father, I am going to invite him. I have learned a lot about myself in writing it and I think it will be a full circle moment if he is there, front and center as usual, to witness it. Now don’t hold me to this- I am just thinking about it. But I saw pure honesty today and I think some of that might do us good. Let me rephrase that, it will do me good- after all- it IS “all about me” this year. It won’t phase my father, nothing ever has, but it might be worth a chance.
