Newman

He was a grumpy old man. He did not care what was going on in the outside world and he really was not interested in what you thought about him or anything else. He was moody and rather self centered. He spent most of his time sleeping and the rest of the time eating. But he was also cuddly, as long as it suited him. If he wasn’t interested in being around you he just walked away. And although he could seem distant at times, he got lonely easily and would let you know how much he missed you when you finally got home. He would do something to show he was angry and then curl up in your lap and purr.

Yes, this grumpy old man was my cat Newman. I got him as a 5 week old kitten almost exactly 13 years ago. When my son Jon and I went to an apartment in Hoover for a “free kitten” we had seen advertised, we could not decide between two. The apartment was small,  yet it was FULL of big dogs and small dogs, lots of grown cats and many small kittens running around. Some of the animals were not very healthy looking and the place wreaked of stale litter boxes. But Jon fell in love with a small, pale gray bundle of fur looking up at him with pale blue eyes.  And I fell in love with a rambunctious orange tabby kitten that ran around the gray poof Jon was eying. Being the push over I am, I agreed to two kittens.

As we drove home from that apartment Jon thanked me. I told him he was welcome- I thought two cats would be better because they could keep each other company. He looked at me and said, “oh I didn’t say thank you for the cats yet, that thank you was for not making me live like that!”

It turned out when we took them to the vet that Newman, my orange tabby was about 5 weeks old, and Jack, the gray poof, was only about 3 weeks old. The woman we go them from assured us they were 6 weeks old and weaned but they were not. It caused them a few minor medical issues and made them extra clingy, but that is about all.

The first summer I was back in college Jack became very ill and died quickly. Jon was at the University of Alabama at the time so I had to call and break the news to him that Jack would not be here when he came home that weekend.Since then, over two years ago now, Newman has been lonely in some ways, but also has acted like the king of the house. No more Jack to share the spotlight with and try to keep up with.

This week has been a very stressful and busy week for me. So many things going on all at once, auditions, my BFA project, finals and juries coming up, trying to decorate for Christmas, and Christmas programs at church. I have done all that I can and I have been exhausted all week. But more importantly, Newman has been lonely. And like I said before, he lets me know it. He hollers at me and glares at me, before coming over to snuggle. This week he just hollered! I figured he was really angry at me, since I was never home! On Wednesday when I got up, Newman was not asleep on the pillow beside me. I looked around the house for a minute but did not see him and really didn’t have time to keep looking. I put food out for him, something that usually brings him running, but no Newman. I got ready, told Tim I could not find Newman and left for Montevallo. Tim promised to look for Newman. And he did. He found him under a book shelf, breathing kind of hard and lethargic. Well, to be honest Newman is always lethargic and Tim thought the cat had probably just gotten stuck in among all of my books so he pulled him out and took him to his water and went on about his day. I would have done the same thing probably.

When I got home late Wednesday night, I found Newman under a kitchen chair, like the bookshelf not a usual spot for him to hang out. I began to pet him and he started to cry in a very strange way. I looked at him and he had blood around his mouth. I quickly called Tim and we wrapped Newman in a towel like a baby and carried him to the Emergency Clinic. Newman is usually terrified of leaving the house and is a wild creature to put in a crate. I skipped the crate because of his condition and he never moved or uttered a sound during that long drive. I knew that things were not good!

It was confirmed- he had fluid on his lungs that could only come from trauma, which of course had not happened, heart failure or cancer. They found a few shadows on his lungs but he was too weak and sick for them to take blood or do any more tests. They put him on oxygen and began giving him shots to help some of his issues. All night we watched and waited, and when the sun came up he was still sick. We transferred him with oxygen to our regular vet, who was off that day, but a really wonderful and caring young woman vet was there. She confirmed everything and said it could well be cancer. We left Newman with her so she could keep giving him shots and keep him on oxygen. I went in to see him and tell him goodbye. If he rallied she wanted to do blood work. I had to go to school and Tim was right behind me so he could help me set up our lights for my BFA project. The vet called us and said Newman was doing better so she would take blood. Time passed and again she called, this time to say Newman was fighting but the tests indicated liver cancer, which he was too old to get treatment for and anyway  the spots on his lungs meant it had spread. I had a decision to make. I had a cat who was fighting back but would not make it no matter how he fought. And I was stuck an hour away so that I could not move him back to the emergency clinic where he needed to be for the night. Once again, a choice between my family life and school. Whatever I did though, he would not get better. Even if I were at home, the humane thing to do was let him go. But how can I, a mere mortal decide if one of God’s creatures lives or dies. I had to be Newman’s mom and friend and advocate. I had to let him go. Tim told me he would drive me there to say goodbye if I wanted but I had done that once that morning and really could not bear to do it again. I asked Tim to just give me a minute. I left the theatre to see some sunlight for a second and to breathe fresh air while I decided what to do. I ran out and burst into to tears only to see a large group of students sitting right outside the door. I just kept walking. As I got into the circle behind the building some woman from the alumni office that I don’t know asked if I were OK. I told her yes, but she grabbed my arm and said, “no you are not. What is wrong?” I blurted out, “I have to put my cat down, he has cancer but I can’t just kill  him!!” And she said, “Your Dad?” I immediately snapped out of my sadness and looked and her and said, “Uh, no. I don’t think you can really do that to your dad. MY CAT!” And I walked away. I mean, REALLY??

I went around Reynold’s over toward Davis before realizing I had robes to iron and things to do. And I had to stop Newman’s suffering so I began to walk back. I passed one of my teachers who looked down and kept going without a word. Odd- I  guess I looked a fright but… And as I approached the theatre building I heard someone say something about”the cast.” I looked at my watch and realized the cast list must be up and I knew in that instant, without even going to look, that I had not been cast and that people, including my teacher probably must think I was crying over not being cast. I was mortified. A cast list is so NOT something to cry over! And at that point was the least of my concerns. I went into the theatre, asked Tim to call the vet for me and to tell her to let Newman go. And I grabbed the robes and headed to the costume shop to cry and iron.

After two fabulous runs of the show where I did not break down or cry once, I came home to an empty and lifeless house. I looked at the bed expecting to see Newman there before realizing he would never be there again. I walked in to the kitchen and out of habit looked at his food and water bowl to make sure they were full and again just sighed and moved on. I will adjust, but 13 years is a long time. And I treat my animals not as objects like some people do or as something easily replaced with another pet like a rabbit or a hamster, but as my child. As a family member I adopted out of love. And they become a part of our family. I have no real time to mourn until after finals and then it will be time to get ready for the holidays. I will however, always have this week to ponder, what I had to do, what I felt like and how I have been changed by everything that has happened. But I just wanted you guys to know about a sweet cat who will always be in my heart.