I really had an odd day today! After an interesting history class, I went to the library to study. I had to go to meet with my vocal coach to work on some words for the show, then I stayed to help with the set. The set guy really thinks I am incapable or old or something! He acts like I am an invalid and when I picked up a power saw today, he came and took it away from me! He talked to me friendly enough but just can’t understand that I am able to do this work!
Then we had rehearsal. Three girls stayed to watch and it kind of freaked me out. They are girls I like but one in particular has been in several shows as a freshman and is very talented. As usual, I feel inadequate around these young women. But I went through the process of getting ready to perform. I was in the wings waiting to go on and shaking like a leaf. I thought I needed to pee or throw up or something. I released the tension and relaxed before getting into my frenzied state for my entrance.
I walked on stage and was no longer scared. I remembered every line (a first) and when Tammy gave us notes she said I came out fierce and my arms looked strong and she was actually scared of me! She complimented every aspect of my work in front of the cast. And I realized I loved having that audience, I played to them and for them. I realized that what my adviser told me yesterday, that I was absolutely cut out for this, might be true!
I came home in a fabulous mood, although I was exhausted and drained! Maybe all I needed to do was embrace that being in front of people is what I have wanted and needed. And the voice in my head can just kiss my… well, you get the idea!
