Becoming

I know I have enjoyed school. I know when people ask me if I am enjoying it I light up from within and can honestly say I love it. Not the polite answer you give when people ask how you are, but a deep down to my toes, Yes I LOVE it! And now that my grades are in (all 7 classes A”s!!) I am just beside myself with joy!

But today as I was watching Oprah she said something that really hit me. She said something about doing and being what you were put on this earth to do and that until we acknowledge that and do that, we are not truly whole and happy.

Now don’t get me wrong- I have been very happy! Why shouldn’t I be? I have a fabulous husband, a remarkable son and a wonderful life by anyone’s standards! I have enjoyed lots of laughs and trips and love in my life, especially the last 27 years! But when Oprah said that I realized that life is different now. And not just that I am busier and more stressed at times! I am truly fulfilled to overflowing. You don’t realize you are missing something until you get that thing in your life.

I used to tell Tim that wanting to sing and not being able to is like having a piece of your body missing. I guess a dancer feels the same way when they can’t dance. But now I feel completely whole. Even when I am stressed about my performances I am thrilled to be performing. Even when nerves hit, the actual performance is pure joy. I lose myself completely in what I am doing and I can’t always tell you exactly how it went because I am so in that moment I can’t remember. The rest of the world melts away as I sing or act.

And no longer do other things seem as monumental. The silly things that used to bog me down don’t even occur to me anymore. And that means the more important things like my friends’ health, my son’s happiness, etc. can be more clear in my mind and prayers.

I no longer stifle my thoughts or pretend to be someone I am not. And yes, that means I am changing. But that is a good thing. NO, it is an excellent thing! I am becoming the person I was meant to be all along. My mom told me when I started school to not let it change me which I thought was the stupidest thing she could say! Everything we do should change us. Change is good, no change is death. I am learning, growing and becoming more than I ever thought possible. So sorry Mom, I am all about the change and I embrace it.

I am becoming the person I was meant to be. George Eliot said, “It is never too late to be who you might have been.” And who I might have been is unlimited!