There is a current NFL player who has had the opportunity for several multi-million dollar contracts this summer, yet keeps missing out because of odd or bad behavior.
I watched this guy on a TV show this August and thought he was arrogant and quirky, but not necessarily sinister or criminal. He had changed teams over the summer and his huge signing bonus and salary didn’t really make sense when you saw his weird behavior. It did when you saw his performance on the field.
He first missed practice because he froze his feet in a cryotherapy machine. When that weird injury was about healed, he had a controversy about his helmet- he wanted to wear his old one, but it didn’t meet today’s standards. Then he incurred fines and had words with the team manager. Eventually the team let him go and you had to figure with such bad behavior he wouldn’t get hired by anyone else or be seen on a field for awhile.
Then in stepped another team who not only hired him, but gave him fifteen million dollars for the year, $9 million of that up front as a signing bonus. The very next day, this player was accused of sexual misconduct and a few days later of unethical business practices.
So he’s done now, wouldn’t you think? And yet he played for his new team on Sunday.
When we were growing up, we were taught to do the right thing. That good things will come to us if we follow the rules, treat others well and work hard. We know that our talent will help us to prosper, but hard work and clean living were way more important than the amount of talent we possess. We were told that we can learn, improve, and persevere. That the talent we were born with could be nurtured and that if we keep up the good, fair fight we would grow and eventually win.
They never said, “If you have enough talent, you can do whatever you want and people will look the other way.”
When I went back to college in a theatre department, I remember being schooled on how to dress and act during an audition. After all, for an actor, the audition is the way to get a job. And unlike some professions, you have to get a new job over and over and over again. You audition for a play, get cast, go through the process and the performances and then you are back unemployed and need to audition again. This is an unending cycle.
Sure, some very fortunate actors get a gig that lasts for a while, and even fewer get a gig that they make a lifetime career out of, but for us in school we knew that the audition was a terrifying event that we would be subjected to over and over and over.
My first audition on campus before even starting school went better than I had imagined even though one of my professors told me as I neared graduation 3 years later that it was actually awful. I am glad he waited until the end of college to share that little tidbit. (He was trying to compliment me about how I had grown during my time in school, but somehow it didn’t really sound complimentary!)
My first official audition at school for the semester of shows actually was horrific. I didn’t realize that it was a) occurring on the second day of school and b) mandatory. When I saw the notice for the audition, I knew I was not prepared so I figured I would just sit it out. My advisor quickly told me that if I sat it out, I could kiss my chances of ever getting in the BFA program goodbye.
So I participated and did the best I could. Needless to say, I was not cast.
As time went on, I was schooled in the art of auditioning. The department stressed dressing up, showing ourselves off to our best advantage and being prepared. We were advised to wear a dress, heels, and hose. (I had given up wearing pantyhose 20 years before, so I will say that I disobeyed that rule!)
It got to be an art form- wearing the outfit that played to the character I wanted to portray while still following all of the rules taught to us. On my second try at the first of my second semester, I did better and got cast in what would become my favorite role ever.
The next year, I felt a part of the department and I had made friends that I enjoyed working and hanging out with. When the new group of freshman came in, I was one of the elder classmen who could help the new crop of lost souls.
This time I was prepared for that day two audition and tried to warn the new kids about it as soon as I saw them. Most of them were way more savvy than I had been and knew what was about to happen. Where I had been a commuter student who showed up in a new world every day, these kids had heard all of the low down in the dorms and in the cafeteria.
For semester number two, I put on a cute dress that showed my bare legs, strapped on my highest heels and spent the moments before I was called on stage going over my monologue again and again in my mind.
It was about then that I saw one of the freshman girls walk in. She had on short shorts, a torn t-shirt that fell over one shoulder and white Keds. Her long blond hair fell over her face (another bad move) and although she seemed confident, I knew in my upperclassman brain that she was in big trouble.
I went on with my audition, wished everyone left waiting a broken leg as I walked out and got in my car to come home. The next day, the cast list was posted and who do you think got a part? You guessed it, the girl who had broken all of the rules we had been told over and over.
Now don’t get me wrong- I liked this girl and she was very talented. It was then that I realized that if you have the talent, maybe the rules don’t apply to you. If you could prove your worth without the correct clothes and the tall heels, then you didn’t have to follow the protocol like the rest of us.
Later on, after I had graduated, I did 8 shows in a year and a half. I went to auditions and had pretty good luck. I continued to dress in the manner that I had been taught was not only professional, but advantageous. It seemed to be working. I also was kind to the accompanist, walked out onstage with a smile and a memorable introduction, and followed every rule I had been shown.
One of these auditions was for the entire season of a local community theatre. I was really only interested in one show, but figured I would mark interest in them all and let the chips fall where they may.
I dressed up, was personable and prepared. I did my best. The person after me was walking onto the stage as I was walking off. She had on baggy sweatpants and a graphic t-shirt several sizes too big. She did part of her monologue sitting on the floor. I stopped in the wings and watched her audition. It was good in a puzzling kind of way.
After everyone had auditioned, they posted your number on a board in the lobby under whichever show you were called back for. I go two callbacks, neither for the only show I really wanted to do. I saw where the girl in the sweatpants, whose number was right after mine, got callbacks to every show. Again, I realized that talent beats out following the rules.
Now wearing the wrong thing to an audition is hardly doing all of the things that the troubled football player has done. I do realize that sometimes you just wear what you have and what you wear does not show the strength of your talent or character. Clothes don’t make the person.
I also know that I saw many a student go to the thrift store near campus to find an audition outfit. I saw kids work hard to look presentable and do what they had been instructed to do. I saw them take pride in the outfit they could barely afford to put together and it gave them a sense of having done everything they could to put their best foot forward. It gave them that little extra confidence for when they stepped on stage to audition.
Some people don’t need that extra boost. They are sure of their talent no matter what they are wearing. They are sure that they have more to offer than just a well put together ensemble. They have the confidence to stand in front of their professors who have just told them what to wear and how to conduct themselves and do what they want with little regard for the “rules.”
There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. I think the football player is probably arrogant although I don’t know him by anything other than his actions. The girl from school was confident, the woman auditioning in sweats on the floor was- well, she was beyond my comprehension.
All of us have to decide if we want to push the limits, if we feel sure enough in our abilities to just do our own thing and disregard the rules, thinking that our talent is enough to get us through. It can take you to a place where you don’t respect authority or others. It can make you feel superior. And when you are rewarded for that disregard of the rules it only reinforces that you can get away with more and more.
I am not sure I have a point or an answer here. We are each different and where I feel compelled to do what I am told, either by my teachers, a director or even my Apple Watch when it insists I stand up NOW, I know that that probably isn’t good either.
Watching people who go their own way makes me both angry and envious. I wish I had the confidence to make my own rules and do it my way. But I also see where letting someone with extraordinary talent get away with rebellious behavior can be dangerous.
Is it enough to have talent? Do we need to tell the kid who has a special gift that they still have to work at it, even if it comes naturally? That they still have to have boundaries and that they still have to follow the norms? Or does that stifle their creativity and trap them in a box that will keep their talent from expanding and flourishing?
I watched a leader once who needed to teach a kid a lesson. Although the teenager had real talent and was perfect for a part, the director put her in a smaller part and gave the bigger part to a much less talented girl. The complaints could be heard for days. People said the show was “ruined” because the more talented girl wasn’t given the part. No one saw that the teacher was trying to stop some arrogant bad behavior, they only saw the less talented girl struggle to do the part she was given.
What lessons were learned from that experience? Maybe the talented kid learned a little humility. Maybe the less talented girl got some much needed confidence. Maybe the talented girl heard the complaints and only grew in her self righteous feelings. And maybe the other girl also heard the complaints and felt terrible stepping out on stage, knowing that everyone thought her incapable of handling such a large role.
Again, we all just do the best we can, but I think we often give the talented a pass. Sometimes we put a star athlete or a phenomenal singer in a different category- we give them a pass on having to answer to the same criteria as the rest of us. And sometimes that leads to bad behavior.
On the other hand, some of the most talented people I know are also the most generous, gracious and helpful people that you can put on your team or in your cast. They are the first to show up for paint day, they help you clean up and load up after a show or game and they don’t try to tell everyone else how to do their jobs. They are a delight to work with and get asked to do more projects that they have time for.
Maybe as with most things in life, it is about how we are raised and the balance each individual has to find. Maybe it is just in someone’s personality to be full of themselves, talent or not, or humble and giving, talent or not. Each person is different.
As usual, I have no answers, only questions. Is talent enough? Is hard work enough? Does it take both? Is one more valuable than the other? And what do we tell our kids that is honest and helpful? When they see a liar in a place of authority, a cheater winning, and a trouble maker making millions on the football field, how do we help them reconcile what we tell them about fairness and hard work with the real life situations they see?
