I will try to keep this brief- I need my rest and to study.
I got overwhelmed yesterday and today had that old, “what am I doing here” feeling as I walked to class. It all started after I met with my adviser yesterday. She is great and although I was excited to only have Tuesday, Thursday classes (and my husband Tim was even more excited) it did not end up that way. I know she is right but I really wanted that other schedule! Also, I already know I will have to miss one Friday of class but I know that won’t kill me. So I will be making the long drive everyday again in the fall! My mistake was the fact that we talked about next spring and all of the classes I will have to take to graduate. So on top of all that I am trying to do right now, I was thinking about both semesters for next year. I can not do that. I have to take one semester, one week, one day at a time. I have to do what it takes to get through the day with minimal looking ahead or I get too overwhelmed by it all and I can not function.
Today, I just felt out of place. I realized last night when I went to a recital that I can not just pile up with the kids because I am not a kid. I can not hang out with the teachers, even though I am closer to their age, because I am not a teacher. So I don’t fit in anywhere. For the most part I have come to terms with that but every once in awhile I feel it very strongly (and mean girl makes sure I feel it even more! But I have decided to let mean girl stew in her own juices- I heard some comments the other day that let me know I am not the only person who has issues with her so I think I will let her peers take care of her.)
I am trying to forget the plan for the rest of my college career and try to focus on this semester. I am not sad about the prospect of graduating in a year. It has been an adventure but I am about ready to move on. Or rather, move back to my family and being the wife and mom I am supposed to be! As far as the theatre community goes, I guess I will climb back under the rock I came out from under only with a diploma in my hand. So it will be the end of my adventure but I think that I will be quickly forgotten and I will adjust to being home again rather easily. So getting overwhelmed by all of this is not constructive at all!
I have so much work I need to get done and tests to study for right now that I think I will quickly forget the plan for next year. And I am ready to face tomorrow and do the best I can, one day at a time!
