I can be so dumb! Today I was not doing good at all! I had my first class cancelled so I tried to reread “The Crucible” for the 4th time in a week. I hit the high points, looked at my study guide then headed into the quiz. First we had an interesting discussion then I got the quiz. It seemed OK until I got to one question that I just wasn’t getting. I kept trying to understand but didn’t. I wrote a funny answer (at least I hoped the teacher would find it amusing) and went on. The minute I finished the quiz I raced out to try and find this short phrase in the play. How would I find it? The moment I touched the play I thought, “Well, look at the end where John Proctor talks about his good name- that will be the place for that quote…” Then I realized before I opened the book that I had the answer all along. I hurried too much on the quiz- again!
Earlier in the day I had been struggling with the fact that I have a song I can not learn. I have worked all semester and especially all last week but I CAN NOT LEARN IT! Oh, I know the words and the tune but the accompaniment makes no sense to me. Then this quiz. Now you guys know I am a perfectionist and any stumble makes me crazy.
Later in the day I was in class with “mean girl” and although I am so careful to hide her identity because no one will believe me if I say she is like this to me, I almost punched her. Now, I will say no more but I was almost past my limit.
Our new system at school to see where you stand as far as graduation had my transcript all messed up and I was about ready to throw in the towel, not just on today but on college in general. I received an email from the registrar that hit me in the wrong way and everyone at rehearsal kept saying “Are you OK?” “You seem upset!” “What’s wrong?” I knew my time at Montevallo was about to end because I could not repeat all of this stuff and today had just done me in. But then I got another email and then a third from the registrar and I lightened up a bit.
Now that I am home and have looked at what this sweet lady has done to my transcript, I nearly wept for joy. I should be able to graduate as planned and with fairly light loads! As I told my husband Tim about this he kept telling me, “Go take a hot bath and relax. It has just been one of those days.” And he is right. I let things get to me too much. How many kids lost sleep over a quiz that they missed one question on? Or have fretted weeks over one song? Or let one dumb girl get to them so much! I let all of this over shadow Michael who came into rehearsal straight over to give me a hug because he missed me over spring break, or Matt who made a necklace of clover and draped it around my neck, or Karow who came to rehearsal and laughed out loud at one of my lines. I almost missed all of that because I was so wrapped up in my search for perfection. I am in the one major where I can never attain perfection- I will reach the seventh degree of concentration before I reach perfection! (Joke for Heartbreak House cast!)
I have to relax before I miss the fun of all of this! I have had books suggested to help me with this- I have bought them, now I just have to find the time to relax and read them!
