I haven’t blogged in a long time. I feel like anything I say could be misunderstood, taken out of context, or reviled. I keep thinking that it might start a fight, not a dialogue. I worry I might tell a truth, my truth, but it won’t sit well with others. So I feel stifled. Luckily I get to write for my job now, so I am content with that most of the time. But not always.
We have relatively new neighbors. They seem nice, but are gone to work long hours, so we really have only spoken a few times. Much of that talking has been about their dogs. They have two large, rather scary dogs. Tim calls them “devil dogs”, but I try to be a little more polite.
These two big dogs come bounding over to the fence that separates our yards any time we walk outside. They jump so that their front paws are on the top of the fence and they growl and bark violently. I think with just a little more effort they could push themselves up and over the fence and I will admit, that scares me.
Don’t get me wrong, we like dogs. These dogs, however, have gotten a hold of Tim’s shorts a couple of times and they have actually bitten him. Tim loves dogs and has worked and worked to try to be their friend. Nothing doing, these dogs have no desire to be our friends.
Our neighbors have gone out of their way to apologize. They have started keeping the dogs inside of the house more. They have put thick, black plastic between their fence and the neighbors on the other side, because that family has small children. Where Tim is big, strong and quick and could escape when they bit him, I fear that I might not fare as well. We all know those little kids wouldn’t.
My point is, we had a problem. We talked about it over the fence with our new neighbors, as did the family on the other side. Our new neighbors love these dogs for whatever reason and they have had issues in other places where they have lived. But we have never called the police, we have never threatened to sue, we have never been ugly or yelled. We have tried to be understanding and work together for a solution that is fair to everyone.
That is what neighbors do. That is what clear thinking people do, that is what Christians do.
I always have used Oprah’s saying- “When people show you who they are, believe them.” I will give people the benefit of the doubt over and over, but usually the person they show me at first is who they actually are. I have been stomped on many times because of giving people the benefit of the doubt.
On the other side of that though, when people have been loving, kind and truthful with me, I know that is who they really are. Being human we all make mistakes. We do silly things, thoughtless things, sometimes hurtful things. But if I know your heart, if I know that deep down you mean well, then I will surely give you the benefit of the doubt.
For some reason, the world is deteriorating down to the point that neighbors don’t come talk to you when there is an issue. People you have worked with and cared for will jump to the worst possible assumptions the minute you don’t think just like them or act exactly the way they think you should. They don’t come to you and say, “Let’s talk.” They vilify you and call their lawyer. They assume the worst and call the police. They call your boss and try to get you fired. They forget all that you have done for them, all that you have done together, all that you can continue to do, if there is compromise and communication. They shoot first and ask questions later.
I know we are all short tempered these days. I am not sure why. I see the world hiding behind their doors, wanting to shut out anyone who is different or who might see things in a distinct way. Instead of saying, “let’s talk” we want to ostracize, punish or discredit people who are unique.
I have recently experienced two situations where I saw people disregard friendship, service and extreme sacrifice from an individual because that individual did one innocent thing that didn’t suit the public perception. Years of hard work and deep relationships flew right out the window because no one was mature enough or forgiving enough to just come and say, “Let’s talk.” Instead of feeling free to have a real conversation, to discuss differing opinions and act like the “leaders” they claim to be, in both instances people went behind backs to “report” the issues to bosses or authorities.
Now let me say, neither situation was severe. I realize sometimes there are cases of people hurting others, etc that warrant a call to the police or a boss. That is not the case here. No one was hurt, there was not the slightest chance of anyone being hurt, nothing awful happened, no one did anything much at all really. In one case the person was actually doing their job correctly. But someone didn’t like it and instead of being civil, they overreacted, severed relationships, hurt lots of folks and above all made larger divides between people who should have all been working together for the common good.
I work really hard at trying to say the right thing, but I often fail miserably. I have to admit that much to my dismay, I am human. I try to be politically correct even though admitting that now seems to be incorrect somehow. I don’t want to hurt people, I don’t want to be insensitive, I don’t want to make generalizations, I want to honor my fellow man. I try to listen to others’ points of view. I purposely listen to talk shows that don’t follow my political stance just so that I know what others are thinking and why. I will yell at the TV when things get too far from my opinion, but I still listen- I want to know what people are saying.
But how do we expect our children to grow in to thoughtful, kind people when they see adults so unwilling to compromise, so unable to control ourselves and so quick to judge and condemn people without listening to their side? What are we modeling for the next generation when we assume the worst of everyone, even when they have shown us over and over that they are good people? What is this world coming to if we can’t see our neighbor and say, “Let’s talk”?
