As so often happens, everything gets planned for the same time. You can go weeks piddling aound on projects around the house, getting caught up on reading and trying all of your new recipes and then WHAM, you are too busy to even eat, much less cook. In one weekend I saw 5 plays because every community theatre and school theatre department planned their last offering before summer on the exact same weekend.
This past week, and the next few weeks, will continue to be super busy, not with plays, but with more real life things like moving and redecorating, doctors appointments and dinner guests. But this past week, while busy and exhausting, was pretty great. First off, I went to the eye doctor. I had PRK ( a kind of corrective eye surgery) about 7 years ago. It was life changing. I went from being too blind to even get out of bed without glasses, to perfect vision.. I went from being off the chart with no number high enough to label my eyesight, to seeing 20/20. I went from wearing heavy duty toric contacts with glasses over them, to wearing nothing at all. I honestly don’t think I would have gone back to school if I hadn’t had this surgery- life changing indeed! I have been seeing so well that I never went back to the eye doctor for all of these years. Lately, my eye sight hasn’t been up to par and I was worried that not going to the doctor had allowed my eyes to get unhealthy, so I made an appointment. I did get fussed at a little about not getting my eyes checked regularly, but mostly I got excitement from the doctor and his staff because they knew they could do an in-office treatment and get my eyes back to 20/20 again. So after everything calms down again in June I will be having a procedure done to restore my perfect vision. I am excited!
Also this past week, we ended the first year of the Overflow Foundation. We rehearsed our end of the year program on Monday and on Wednesday our fearless leader, Julie, returned from Africa after being away for almost 2 weeks. I was so relieved to give her back the keys and take a back seat again. I don’t mind making decisions or being in charge of things if they are mine to be in charge of. But filling in for someone in an environment where it seems like there are moral dilemmas at every turn is too much for me! The end of the year program was like any other kids’ end of the year program in that the kids goof off and mess up to the point that you are convinced the whole thing will be a disaster. But when the audience arrives, suddenly the kids put on a good performance. I don’t understand it, but it always happens whether you are in the suburbs or the inner city. The best part was that way more people (parents, family and friends) showed up than we had ever hoped for!
After the show I rushed home and to my church to rehearse for a retirement roast that was scheduled for the next day. It was out first, last and only full rehearsal which you know throws me into a panic. I like to rehearse things to death. Needless to say I had gotten my accompanist to record a practice CD for me a couple of weeks before and she had graciously done so after we rehearsed a bit. Without that I would never have agreed to do the show at all. I practiced in the car as I drove from city to city reviewing plays and going out to East Lake for Overflow. I brought it in the house and rehearsed with it most every day and by the day we had our rehearsal I thought I was ready. I should know by now that I NEVER feel ready. And I should know by now that I will always feel awful after a first rehearsal. This was no exception.
Lots of people intimidate me. I know this is my fault, not theirs. Most of these people are lovely people, I just get petrified around them when it comes to performing. In this particular case, some of those people were involved. There are also people who have cut me to the core and I have a hard time keeping any kind of self esteem about my performing around them. Some of those people were also involved with this event. Between the two groups, I was terrified. I rehearsed my number and despite several people being very complimentary, I left the rehearsal almost in tears.
The next day, show day, I ran some errands, took a walk, ironed my costume and helped a friend get her outfit together. All day I could feel the dread building up. By 4:00, when I was ready to take my bath and prepare to go, I was a wreck. I texted a friend and asked for prayers. Then I texted some of my old friends from UM and told them that I was about to get to perform this song, a song that I have wanted to do since school and they made me laugh. See, at school I learned not to dread singing, but to look forward to it. When I had to perform a song for a final grade in a class with my least favorite professor, I dreaded it for weeks. I rehearsed as I drove back and forth to Montevallo and I practiced in my den, but the thought of standing up in front of some students who intimidated me and the professor who was negative towards me made me a nervous wreck. The day of finals I was dressed and ready, except I was about to shake out of my shoes. Right before class I heard some of the other students saying how they were looking forward to this and how much fun it would be. I thought, “Are they crazy?? FUN??” But I thought about how much fun I had had practicing with abandon in the car. How much fun I had had staging the whole thing in my den and how much deep down I truly love to sing. Fun or not fun, I was going to have to do this song. Fun or not fun, those people who intimidate me would be in the class. Fun or not fun that professor would be glaring at me, pencil and grade book in hand. As I thought about what was about to happen, the professor said, “OK, let’s just have fun today. Now who wants to go first?” And up went my hand. And I have never before or after had so much fun singing a song. And everyone laughed and applauded!
As I texted with my friends from school and got ready to go, I remembered all of that. I remembered that having fun is the reason we are supposed to do this to begin with. I remembered what I had told the kids at Overflow before their program- to have fun and just do the best they could that day. And I remembered that having fun or not having fun was totally my choice. And so I chose to have fun. And I did! I can’t speak to the quality of my work- I can’t see myself and I guess I won’t ever think I am any good. But I know I tried to do the best I could that day and I chose to enjoy myself. I was prepared, remembered my words, didn’t fall down and got some laughs. That is all I can ask. I just have to keep learning that lesson over and over again I guess. I am grateful for friends who support me with accompaniment, prayers and jokes.
Yesterday I refinished and painted a cabinet for my son’s new house. It turned out really nice and I realized how fortunate I am to get to do so many different things in a week- teach, sing, paint and laugh. To see young people succeed, to see myself grow and to see my child take more steps into adulthood.
So here is to seeing better after my eye doctor visit and to seeing better without even using my eyes. To seeing how wonderful life can be if you just decide to have fun!
