Now is when I make up for my day of “found time”! The rest of the week was as planned and I had no time, especially for silly things like food. I have lost 6 pounds as of this morning! And I was not trying to. I am not drinking alcohol because it is dehydrating and no dairy because it gums up the throat. That means no relaxing wine with my bath at night, no frozen yogurt after dinner, no cheese dip at Habanero’s, etc. That has been going on a couple of weeks or so in preparation for my BFA audition. Well, this week I didn’t have time for really any food! Oh, a granola bar here and a quick sandwich there but no real meal and not on a regular basis. I am not going to starve to death, it just feels like it!
Today is just as bad even though it is Saturday. I have to complete my “book” for BFA, I have computer homework, I have to burn some more cd’s, rehearse, study for an exam and get back to school to run the box office tonight. And I AM going to go to lunch with my guys. I need the food but I need their fellowship more. They really don’t understand the pressure I feel, or the time it takes to do everything I am trying to do.
Everyday I feel like I have an experience that I have to “process” before I can share it with anyone, if I can share it at all. Well, in this house we share everything. So I am sure they don’t get why I have to take things in and roll them around in my mind awhile before I know how to share them.
I have more to say but no time to say it right now. I spent the last part of yesterday crying and screaming as I drove home, mad at myself for blowing a chance- again. I came home to process things and I am not sure what I think now. I just know I have to move on and do it quickly. Maybe that is a good thing, just experience it, scream and move on! Maybe thinking too much is my whole problem in this case. I don’t know- I will have to think about it.
