I got called out last night. I have been working with a group of 17 kids ages 9-16. We have been preparing a musical production, but more important to me has been trying to teach the kids some theatre professionalism and love of the art of acting. As with most kids, they are focused on learning their lines and then having fun. Trying to teach them to “become” a character or react when they are on stage but aren’t talking, is more than they bargained for.
Last night was our next to last dress rehearsal. Final dress and then it’s show time. During this two month process the entire cast has never once been there all together. Between illness and other obligations, one or more students have always been missing. We have worked around another show’s set for most of the time and other occasional obstacles have come our way. It has been challenging, but overall, it has been one of the most fun and rewarding things I’ve ever done. I am not so sure if the kids feel the same way.
Last night was the first time I didn’t have to read a missing cast member’s lines. (Or 2 or 3 missing cast members lines.) It was the second time I didn’t have to run the sound cues alone while trying to read those lines and direct! So it was the first time I got to really watch the show.
I had pages and pages of notes for the cast after rehearsal and after I got home I thought of other things I should have told them. I sometimes feel like they get tired of the sound of my voice. They just want to run around and scream. I think I’m too strict, too intense, too old.
After they set their props and changed out of their costumes, I had them sit for a minute. I tried to give them a final lesson on respect. I also talked to them about walking the set before the show and getting ready for a performance, not peeking through the curtain after the house opens and being mindful of the noise they create backstage.
I then told them they had done a good job and one of the kids said, “Come on now, tell us the truth.”
I stopped and smiled and told them I was notorious for getting in trouble for telling the truth, but I continue to do it anyway. I told them that since they asked, yes, there were some rough patches to the show. I reminded them of the awkward pauses when people forgot lines, I talked a bit about when they got the scenes mixed up. I told them a story of when I had forgotten a line at this point in the process, an important line. I told them once I messed it up, I never forgot it again and that the run of the show was amazing. I told them they didn’t need to peak too soon, that everything would be alright.
They made me think about honesty and the truth.
This summer I was called out by a then friend. Most of what they said was not true, I know it for a fact. They were hateful and used language like I had never heard from them before. Deep down I want to blame it on their consumption of too much alcohol, but I have had to let the whole episode go as well as the friendship. But last night made me think about something that was said during that event.
During their tirade this person decided they needed to leave, because they felt sure my husband was on the way. They said that they knew my husband Tim would automatically take my side and they didn’t want to be around when that happened. Being kind of traumatized by the whole event, it has taken me until now to remember and think about that remark.
I don’t want Tim or anyone for that matter to automatically take my side in any instance. I don’t think that is right or really fair to me. I am the type who asks every director after I do a show what I can do to improve- and I want an honest answer. I will then ponder the answer, take it in different ways until I decide whether it is something I need to totally change, work on or discard. I might blog about it to help me think or I might just lay awake at night wondering how to fix the problem.
But I want the truth!
A “Yes Man” doesn’t do me or anyone any good. It teaches me nothing for Tim or anyone else to just say, “Yes dear, of course dear, you are right dear.” Helping me to see another side to the story or a different angle to the situation makes me a better, more balanced person. And growth is what I am here for.
I can remember Tim saying to me months ago during another interesting episode in our life, that he thought I would be more upset about this particular instance. At first I had to think it through and I didn’t automatically take his side. But the more I though about it, prayed about it and discussed it, I did take his side and the angrier I got. Tim has forgiven and forgotten and I, who was initially ambivalent, am still ticked off!
I know there have been times that my son (after he was a teenager) was put out when I told him I appreciated his effort and hard work, but he probably wasn’t going to be a great artist. I knew he didn’t like art much, although as a baby I wheeled him around the art museum with me often. I have always tried to be honest with him. Why would I go overboard praising him at something he doesn’t enjoy and isn’t gifted in? Doesn’t that make me a liar and suspect from that point on when I praise him?? (My son now leaves me a little drawing on the kitchen chalkboard every time he comes over. Most of the time I have to ask him exactly what it is he has drawn and his answer usually makes me laugh, because I would never have guessed! However, he does do graphic work on his computer at his job and he is amazing at it, so I didn’t totally kill the artist in him!))
My son often comes to me for opinions because he knows he can trust me to tell him exactly what I think, even if it isn’t all sunshine and roses every time. And he knows when I do praise him, it is real.
So I told those kids the truth- you need to keep working on your lines. You need to read the play every day to know what the story and sequence of events are. You are going to be great, there is so much potential, we just have to push on and fulfill that potential.
Wanting the truth, handling the truth, putting someone else’s truth in perspective within your life and thoughts is much more complicated than you would think. Being blunt, rude, or hurtful is not being honest, it is being mean. Being constructive is helpful if said with care. (As a theatre critic I had to walk that line and it got difficult, especially since some people take criticism better than others.)
As a child we are told to just tell the truth. It isn’t always that simple. But if you don’t want the truth, don’t ask me for the truth. I will give it to you and sometimes it isn’t pretty.
