As artists we are often asked to give away our time. Even if we have gone to the time, work and expense to get a degree in our art form, we are still commonly told that we should create our art for free because we need “the exposure”, we need to “grow our brand” or we need to pay our dues. Few lawyers, doctors, accountants or teachers are asked to do everything for free for years after graduating with their respective degrees. Artists almost always do. (Starving artists are real, people!)
I actually had a friend I was trying to buy a painting from begin to excuse why she was charging me a certain amount for her art. “This big canvas costs me so much, I have to charge this much.” I was not quibbling about the price, I found it very reasonable for a large, lovely painting I was buying as a gift for my husband’s birthday. I tried to convince her that I wasn’t buying the canvas, I was buying her talent, her passion, her time. It was worth more than she was charging and did not need an explanation.
We are often ready to give away our time while we treasure our money to the point of hoarding it. I might waste away an hour or even a day, but ask me to just toss out $100 or $1,000 and I would call you crazy and question why I was friends with you.
I have always said that no matter what your circumstances, you can probably get more money. Whether you put in some overtime, get another job, go on welfare, find a twenty on the ground, there is potential to get more money. There is nothing you can do to get more time. You can’t beg, borrow or steal time. You can’t petition the government to let you have 26 hours in a day instead of 24. You won’t find 20 hours laying on the sidewalk.
A couple of months ago I had the privilege of working with two young men who wanted my “expertise” in confidence and self esteem. They wanted me to help them learn to be more ready for the public eye when their big break came. (I have to say here that it shocks me still to write this. I help people find their confidence? I have expertise in anything?? I have helped folks, I seem to actually be able to do this!! I am just not sure how to do it for myself!!)
Anyway, as part of our work I asked these guys what they wanted out of life. Out of being on the radio, which was their goal. One of them told me that he wanted to be mindful that when people listened to them on the radio, these listeners were giving a gift of time to the station, the program and the guys on air. He wanted to remember that the time that the audience spent listening to them was time they could never get back, so what the guys said should be beneficial and entertaining. He also wanted to value that “gift” and be grateful.
People- that just about sums it up.
When we give someone our time, we give them the best we have to offer. When we make time to listen to someone, visit someone, write to someone, we give them our most precious commodity. When we pray for someone, we use our time for them. When we eat with someone, we are sharing holiness.
I guess recently I have been more conscience of time. I have no idea how much time I personally have left. I miss friends that I thought I would have more time with. I thought I would have more time with my mom up until I actually walked into the room , saw her lifeless body and knew I did not.
In an effort to do more, be more, get more in whatever time is left, I realized I have it all wrong. It is not to see how much I can do in the allotted time, but to take the time to do whatever I do really well. Not to just “grab a meal” but to savor real food. Not to see how many appointments I can cram into one day, but to have one appointment, prepare for it thoroughly, be present in the moment totally while at the appointment and to enjoy the flowers or the falling leaves on the way home. It isn’t to write as many words as I can (and you know I can write a 5 page essay on what I had for lunch!) but to write with meaning, purpose and integrity.
I have heard people say to me that they are too busy. I can remember getting brushed aside as a child because “grown ups are busy.” Even now I talk to people and as they pretend to listen they are looking at a computer screen or their phone. They are “multitasking.” I have to think they aren’t doing a very good job of anything. It makes me feel like I am not worth their time.
I remember in college, one of my professors telling me not to look so intently at my scene partner. He asked me if I looked at people like that when they talked to me in real life. I said yes as he said no. But I do! He said that was not right and not to do it on stage.
I think when you are in the moment, something we are taught to do on stage, that we fully look at the person who is speaking to us. We note their body language, we look into their eyes, we take in all that they are saying. Not just with their words, but with their whole being.
Living each day as a day tight compartment as much as we can (and it is hard!) and really being present in what we are doing, makes life and the time we do have, even more valuable. Remembering what my young friend said about his future listeners, the gift of time and the gratitude we should show for anyone who gives us such a precious part of themselves as their time has made me a better person. At least it has made me try a little harder to be better!
I will still waste time and hoard money. I will still multitask and plan too much in a day, so that I have to rush through things. But I will try, for as much of my time as I can, to slow down, reflect, pray, enjoy, be grateful and calm. I can’t bring back my lost friends or my mom, but I can honor them by being present right here, right now.
