Last night I took a minute and spoke to my workshop kids. We needed to rehearse- our time together is limited. But because it is so limited, I felt the urge to speak.
Afterwards, on the way home, I was thinking about what I had said to them and it reminded me that when I was president of the women’s group at our church, I felt the need to speak before each meeting. I tried to speak about what we were there for, or to tell them a story, or really anything meaningful.
After my two years in that capacity I was VERY ready to be done with that job and I have spent the many years since reflecting on it from time to time.
Last night driving home I wondered if I had taken advantage of my position to listen to myself talk too much. None of the other presidents before or after found it necessary to tell a story before a meeting! Maybe I do like to talk too much!
Last night I might have used my position as the director and instructor to talk too much again. I do have to say that when I feel led to share something, especially with young people, I tend to do it.
I told them the story of one of my experiences on stage, how I was asked to do something way out of my comfort zone and how I had wanted to say “no, I can not do this” on a daily basis. Actually, it was more moment to moment that I wanted to walk out. This wasn’t about stage fright, I had that somewhat under control at that point. It was actual fear for my life as I was asked to do something I physically didn’t think I could do.
I pushed myself. I made myself go beyond what I thought I could do. And it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
What I wanted to tell these kids, my theatre kids, was that they had to be brave. They had to do more than they thought they could.
They are a good group, but invariably I get “I can’t do that” on a regular basis and I have asked them to do nothing dangerous, provocative or out of the ordinary. (Asking a child to do something as mundane as to sit on a bar stool brought out reasons why she just couldn’t!)
I told them that in theatre they would be asked to do things out of their comfort zone and they had to be brave. Brave to stand up if your beliefs were being tested, brave about trying things they thought they couldn’t do. I wanted them to realize that in life standing up for yourself was important. I wanted them to also see that sometimes you could do more than you thought you could if you would just try.
Sometimes life puts you in the position to share a moment with a group and I took the opportunity. I am sure most of them didn’t listen, although they all appeared to pay attention. As with my women’s group years ago, I probably overstepped and had people thinking “Who does she think she is??”
I am much more concerned about how I would feel if I let these moments go by, if I wasn’t brave enough to stand in front of those kids and tell them that life can be so rich, wonderful and exciting, but if they want to really do theatre, then they have to learn to be brave. To be willing to scale a 12 foot tall wall, to be willing to act silly, to be willing to feel sadness in front of an audience, to be willing to audition over and over again, willing to bare their soul in front of a director and to know that, as in our play, only love will save the day.
