First, let me say that I am probably the least competitive person you know. I really don’t care if you are faster, stronger, or smarter than I am. I don’t have many trophies or accolades to hang on my wall. I am very proud of the members of my family who have trophies and medals -most are displayed prominently in my den. I just don’t have any.
The only person I am competitive with (and this competition is EXTREME!) is myself. I want to be stronger than I was yesterday, faster than my last run and smarter than I was a week ago. It is all consuming how much I want to be more than I was before.
For as long as we have lived in this house, going on 22 years, I have loved to walk around my neighborhood. We actually bought the house because Tim could bike out of our front door instead of storing his bike gear at his mom’s old house and I could walk to the store, the hairdresser and the church.
One of our former ministers once told me that he had never known someone so grateful for the fact that they had the ability to walk and did so with such such joy. I do love to walk.
During the pandemic, I began to walk even more regularly. It was my only time out in the world many weeks and I love watching the houses as they are built, remodeled or just decorated for the seasons. I love watching the trees bloom and then lose leaves and then bloom again as the seasons change. I know where the potholes are, where the dog will bark at me, where the stroller crowd pushes you off the sidewalk.
At the first of the year, I decided to get more serious and see if maybe I could walk even faster. My husband already says that I walk too fast when we walk somewhere together! For motivation I challenged my son, but he basically ignored me, so I did what I do- I just challenged myself.
I began timing myself and seeing how far I was walking. I stepped up my training, making sure to walk 4 times a week on a schedule instead of just whenever I felt like it. I started running a block here and there instead of just walking.
A few weeks ago, I signed up for a 5K. I figured it would be more motivation and it coincides with an event in a different locale which was appealing to me after a year of being at home. A short trip to see some different scenery.
In those few weeks I have cut my pace per mile 2 whole minutes and today I finished the equivalent of a 5K for the 3rd time in the last three weeks. Although my son warned that I would be swept off of the course if I was too slow and my husband told me that others took this running stuff seriously and I might get my feelings hurt, I now feel ready to give this a try next week.
While competing with myself to get faster, I have realized a few things. First, this will probably be my last organized race. Already I see that I have gotten more and more competitive with myself, constantly looking at my watch to check my pace and forgetting to look at the houses I want to look at or the trees I used to notice more.
I have realized that I enjoy walking but the running isn’t super fun to me- it is just a means to get my time to what I have decided is an acceptable range to not get “swept off” the course because I am too old and too slow.
Today while was out training, I was passed by a young woman who was running. As she ran ahead of me, I saw her checking her watch constantly and I laughed at the fact that I could relate to what she was doing. Pretty soon she was out of my sight. A few blocks later, she was there ahead, stopped and checking her watch. I walked past her.
Soon, she again ran past me, looking at her watch as she got further and further ahead of me. Again, down the road, there she was, stopped and I passed by her. I thought of the story of the tortoise and the hare. I am slow and steady, never stopping and she was much faster, but kept stopping for whatever reason.
I also have seen what a chicken I am. Having fallen before, I am wary of running unless the ground ahead looks level, smooth, and free of debris. If you have walked around Homewood much you know that our sidewalks are not often smooth, clear and level!
I am scared to slip on pine needles, or to step on a sweet gum ball, or to trip on an uneven place where a tree root has pushed the sidewalk up. I walk until I see a safe looking area ahead, I then run until I hit a hill or construction or an intersection, which means I run maybe a block before I get my walking stride back.
I am not sure what a cross between a tortoise and a chicken would look like, but I think it would look an awful lot like me, a gray haired old woman walking quickly with occasional short bouts of running, not super fast and scared to trip and fall.
Overall, I am glad I have focused on something different for a few weeks, although I will be glad to get back to my leisurely walks around the neighborhood, instead of trying to take a fraction of a second off of my time. I am glad that I challenged myself to do 3 things at the first of 2021 and I have stuck with two of the 3 for almost three months. (We are kind of pretending I only had two things, at least for now! That 3rd thing is harder and I need to pray on it a little more!))
Being unable to do some of the things that I had planned for 2020 was very disappointing, but I know in the big scheme of things, I have been very fortunate. I have just decided those things weren’t meant to be right now. I hope they will be later on in my life, but if not, then I will find something else to challenge me.
For right now, my challenge is taking my slow, scared tortoise/chicken self to a 5K. If I get swept off the course or embarrassed by my performance, I will know that not only did I at least try, I have had a focus and a goal for the last few weeks that kept me sane and engaged, outside and healthy.
I have learned that I am ok if the hare keeps passing me, I will get there eventually. And I have remembered that it isn’t how fast you get to your destination, but what you see and do along the way.
