The other night I had the privilege of judging an elementary school talent show. As it turns out, the other two judges were people I have done plays with before, so it was also a mini-reunion! After the usual pleasantries you exchange with people you haven’t seen in a while, the other two began to discuss something that I was not a part of. I guess I got a bewildered look, so the other female judge asked me out of the blue, “Hey, you want to dance naked in a field?” Needless to say, I was quite taken aback and didn’t say anything, but I wanted to say, “Probably not, but even if I did, don’t nobody want to see that!” As it turns out, these two are trying to get permission to do HAIR out on some farm land somewhere. And due to the laws of that county, no one will really be dancing naked. But it did get me to thinking.
I remember on the audition sheets at school they always asked if you were willing to appear in your underwear. (I don’t remember anyone actually having to appear in their underwear except for one time and of course they picked the cutest, most fit girl to do so!) I always wanted to say I was willing, but since I am an old lady my underwear is bigger than most of the shorts the college girls wear! It is doubtful anyone would be impressed with me in my underwear!
No matter how hard you work, at a certain age (and I am well past it!) you begin to deteriorate. Your upper arms jiggle a bit more, your legs begin to wrinkle as the skin above your knees suddenly wants to be below your knees, your butt sags and the “cottage cheese” effect shows up all over your body. I work out almost every day- dance, yoga, weights, tennis- but it only helps so much. I have used neck cream since I was in high school because the saggy neck of one of my older teachers freaked me out! I remember a show we used to watch in the late ’90’s called “Ally McBeal.” One of the main male characters had a fetish for the “wattle” on any old woman’s neck- he thought it quite sexy. I didn’t buy it then, and I don’t buy it now! Although I have fought my neck wattling with creams and exercises that make you look like you are impersonating a fish, I see my neck slowly wrinkling and sagging. It is inevitable!
My fellow judge who is trying to do this outdoor production of Hair quickly told me that his casting call would be for actors between the age of 18 and 30 (which leaves me out by several decades) and wondered if I would like to be on the production end of things. (A nice way of saying “I would love your help, but you ain’t getting on that stage!”) I, of course, have seen Hair many times and know that it is not the play for me to audition for without being told, but I will be as supportive as possible!
The book I am reading as an assignment from the small group studies committee at my church turned out to be the perfect book for me to read this Lenten season, considering where I am in my spiritual life. Ironically, it is called “Naked Spirituality” by Brian D. McLaren and deals with being honest about who you are when it comes to your relationship with God. Where I look fit enough in the right clothes, standing in front of a mirror (or shudder an audience) naked would show all of my flaws. It would make people question what they thought about my age and looks. It would uncover everything I try to hide when I make sure that the clothes I buy have sleeves, or a waist in a certain place, or a hem at a certain length. It would expose me in a way that I would find uncomfortable.
The way God sees us is the same- we are naked to Him. He sees the flaws, He knows our bad thoughts. We are exposed and can not hide the wrinkled parts of our spirit, the parts that are too mean spirited to share with the world at large. In church Sunday the minister said, “Don’t lie to God!” My thought was, why would I even try? If He sees all, and knows us so well, what is the point in trying to lie?? I have just come to terms with the fact that while I can hide my crass, mean and hateful side from most everyone, God sees it. I have to try to work on doing away with that part of me if I don’t want God to see it. And in the process, I hope I become a better person.
As for the struggle I am having with God in general (see my past two posts) this book spoke to me in many ways. I copied parts of it for Tim before we went to see his latest art work in Tuscaloosa and I think this author’s view on art and creativity was helpful to Tim as it was to me. But the statement that hit me the most was “those who rage at God believe there is a God who is willing to be raged at.” It hit home. I am mad at God, but if I didn’t believe in Him I would not yell at Him! And I trust Him enough to still love me when I do!
So, although by popular demand I will NOT be standing on stage naked for the world to discuss my flaws, (you can relax now) I will be thinking about God seeing my spirit naked and continue to strive to be a better, and even more honest person.
