I had the opportunity the other day to speak to a couple of people that I was automatically not very fond of. I won’t go in to reasons, but I had them. I had decided before I ever even shook their hand that I didn’t like them.
Upon meeting them, I would love to say that I had the warm fuzzies and immediately saw the error of my ways. That I broke down and said “Hey Neighbor” like my church has been instructing me to do all summer.
I didn’t.
I was not ugly, nor was I rude. If anything, I was overly kind and hospitable. I can not say if I came off as a fraud. I hope I am a good enough actress that it seemed to be sincere, but since I didn’t care about transparency that much I can not say.
The people I was meeting were women and although I try to be supportive of other women, these women were not doing the same. In fact, they were doing quite the opposite. They were going out of their way, in a public setting, to tear down the looks and abilities of other women.
As kindly as I knew how I told them that we should try to be better than that. That where I was standing, the more we can support and accept all body types, all looks and styles, all efforts and capabilities, the better the future would be for everyone.
The two women said that of course, they agreed and then walked off laughing. At me, I am sure. After all, I am just an old woman who has no idea what is hip and current. I don’t know that being crude and insulting is hilarious. I don’t know that judging someone by their size or face or clothes is what it takes in this world today. I don’t understand that to be somebody you need to take everyone else down a peg or two. I am sure they figured that this old woman just doesn’t get it.
And I guess I don’t. Except that I grew up in an era where we beat ourselves up if we didn’t look like the airbrushed models in the magazine. I grew up thinking an extra ounce meant we were suddenly unworthy of love and starved ourselves to fit the expectation. I grew up where I saw people laugh out loud at people who were different or challenged. I grew up when it was a shame if you were odd and you did all that you could to conform and blend in.
I thought we were past that, I thought we were better than that. I thought women had finally realized that being supportive of one another made life better for us all. That we are all different, all gifted in our own way, challenged in our own way. That your dress size no longer equates to how much happiness you can expect in life. That being different is a plus, not a minus.
And then I hear two women talk about a public person’s figure and their face in a most unflattering way, criticizing someone who is not there to defend themselves. And this was not a private conversation, it was in a public forum where everything seems to be these days.
I have been as guilty as anyone in judging others. I have made snide remarks and unflattering comments, although I am trying oh so hard to get better. And when confronted with the opportunity to stand up for women everywhere, I tend to hide in the corner.
This one time I had the opportunity and the courage to say to someone that they should be respectful of their sisters, that they should think before publicly tearing down other women, that maybe they would be better received in this neck of the woods if they were kinder instead of cruder.
I know that my remarks went right in one ear and out the other. My husband said that I confronted them for my sake, not theirs. And maybe that is true. For once I wanted to say what I thought instead of hiding in silence. For once I wanted to be bold. For once I wanted to hope that something I said would make life a little bit better. So I said what I had to say.
We are so often taught as “good girls” to keep our opinions to ourselves. We are taught to not rock the boat. We realize that often it is a waste of our energy and time to stand up to those that bring out the worst in humanity.
I have to say, that for once I said what I had to say and it felt fine. I have played it in my brain several times since to reassure myself that I was polite, respectful and kind in telling these women to please be polite, respectful and kind as they influence others with their platform.
I am sure that I made no difference to anyone except for me. That nothing about the recipients of my words will change. But maybe I changed a little. Maybe I will remember to be more supportive and nonjudgmental as I go through my days now that I have said it all out loud. Maybe I will be bolder the next time I am confronted with wrong doing. Maybe I will be a little more fearless as I stride through the rest of my days.
If we as women don’t speak out, don’t support each other, don’t learn to be forgiving of each other, then I am not sure where we are headed. If nothing else comes from all of this, at least for one short moment I was true to myself and the vast array of amazing women I love and admire.
