What exactly is success? I know some people measure it with money. How much money you make is a measure of the value of what you are doing. Some people measure it in titles. Being able to say your are vice president in charge of something is a mark of success. I was just watching Barbara Walters on her last days at ABC as she prepares to retire. This week she has had a building in NYC named for her, been granted citizenship in Wyoming and gotten lots of accolades and gifts. By anyone’s standards, she is a success. All of this has been fun to watch all week, but it made me think about success and what it means to me.
I have always felt fairly successful. By all of the standards above, I am not. I have never earned much money on my own. As a banker and then a preschool teacher, I never got a huge salary. I never had a fancy title (even though I was head 3K teacher for two years. Yeah, it sounds lame to me now, too!) When I went back to college recently, I made really good grades and got in some honor societies, which I guess is being a successful student. And since graduation I have done most of the things I have wanted to do, mostly for little or no money. I have earned enough to redecorate the den, but that is about it.
While watching Barbara Walters today, I got teary eyed for the first time during all of this hoopla about her retirement. It had nothing to do with the touching video clips or the accolades. Her old college roommate came out, now a very successful research doctor, and they asked for a story about Barbara from college days. The roommate recalled how Barbara marched herself into the college president’s office to complain that she felt the students weren’t learning enough. He answered that she might learn more if she ever left the theatre department (she originally wanted to be an actress.) And I burst into tears. Why, you might ask? Because the one thing she had in that story, that I try to have and when I do it makes me feel successful, is courage. Courage to say what you think, courage to be who you are and the courage to love life in the face of so many negative things.
I haven’t always been that way. It took a long time and lots of work and I still fail miserably at this all of the time. In high school I got the “I Dare You” award as a senior. It was the first time the principal had given the award in several years. It was because I had spoken up about a matter that really didn’t affect me, but would make life easier for others. I really didn’t think of it as daring or courageous, just right.
Some people told me that going back to college to get a musical theate degree in my fifties was courageous. Most days I felt selfish and the other days I just felt stupid. It was a strain on my family and it took me away from what I probably should have been doing. But I did it anyway and I am glad I did. Not long ago I was sent an email that the University of Montevallo was unveiling it’s newly designed website. I decided to go over and look at it. I especially wanted to see the theatre department’s page. I looked through all of the pictures of the great people I had met there and then came upon a page that told of the accomplishments of past graduates. A few have gone on to NYC and Los Angeles, mostly working for casting directors and doing internships. Some work locally at Children’s Theatre (BCT) and others have more traditional 9-5 jobs. I enjoyed looking at all of the updates, even the ones about people I barely knew of. I saw where the other two BFA graduates of my class were doing well, grad school and working for BCT. And that is when it dawned on me. My name was nowhere to be seen. Even though I have done plays nonstop since graduation and judged theatre, singing, dancing and general talent competitions all over the state, as well as helping kids and adults prepare for auditions and performances, obviously nothing I have done has secured me a spot as a success that my university is willing to share.
I guess I should say that omission made me feel unsuccessful, but it didn’t. It made me feel sad, for sure, but not unsuccessful. I have done more than I ever thought I could or would. I have enjoyed all of the people I have met and the work I have done. I have given lots of advice and critiques to young people which I think has helped them. I have even recommended to some of them (if I thought it was a good fit) that they attend Montevallo and some of them have. Even if my school doesn’t see me as a success, I feel like one. I have stayed true to myself, been here for my family and done work I am proud of. To me, that is success. The fact that it doesn’t pay much, if anything, and doesn’t give me a big title, doesn’t really matter.
In advising someone close to me lately on what to do in a job where they are constantly berated and they are doing work that is not satisfying or even ethical, in their eyes, I have been rather wimpy. After all, there are bills to pay and a future to think about. You don’t just quit a well paying job over morals, do you? DO YOU? In theory it is easy to say, follow your dreams and stick to your guns. When you can’t buy food or pay the rent, it is a little tougher to be so certain.
Is success really important? Do I care if my name is on a web page that I am probably the only one who actually ever looked at it? Does it matter what others think? Do you take the money to save your lifestyle or instead save your integrity? Do you follow your dream or follow monetary success? What makes you successful- happiness, helping others, passion, or titles, money and recognition? I thought I knew the answer, but when someone else is involved, when real life hits, is it a harder decision to make?? Are you successful? To others? To yourself? Does any of this even matter??
