I read an article the other day about the things Christians say over and over again that turn young people off from the church. I realized that over the years I have said these very things, but lately I have called many of them into question. And then one of them became true last week and now I am even more confused!
One of the things that we say that bugs me, but was not in the article is “There but for the grace of God go I.” That one has always bothered me because I see no reason why I should have or would have any more grace than the person I am talking about. So I am not homeless- did God really shower more grace on me than on that person who is? I don’t think that is fair! Did God lead me to make better decisions which kept a roof over my head? I have made some really dumb choices at times and yet here I am! Sorry, this makes no sense to me. A fair God would extend grace to us all equally- right?
One of the sayings cited in the article was “God never gives us more than we can handle.” I had a really good friend who died of lung cancer. Right before Julia got sick she was the strongest I had ever seen her. She had opened up a landscaping business and one day she was in my yard about to plant a tree. As I approached to help her I thought how tan and muscular and strong she had become. It was only weeks later she was diagnosed. Months later I went to her house to pick her up and take her to lunch. Julia was frail and weak, her bald head covered in a scarf. We went to a local restaurant and she ordered a ton of food, mostly because she had not been out to eat in a long time. She barely ate any of it- she really couldn’t. After lunch she wanted me to take her to our church so she could walk the halls and look around the church she loved. We ran into some people she enjoyed seeing, but I could tell she was getting tired. I urged her to let me get her back to the car and take her home. She said, “No- this is the last time I will see this church and some of these people, I do not want to leave yet.” I tried to blow it off and tell her that was not true. We walked around a little more before her exhaustion overcame her will and we struggled back to the car. On the way back to her house she told me how the main thing she was upset about was that her mom was about to lose another child to cancer and that her Dad had also died from cancer. She told me that she had always heard that God would never give you more than you could handle, but she thought he had given her and her mom too much. Although I never told anyone that she said that I have pondered it all of these years.
For those who don’t know the rest of the story, a few weeks later I ran into the church after walking the Good Friday Way of the Cross walk here in Homewood. I ran into the church secretary who was talking to another church employee. The secretary was telling her companion that a group of young girls in our church were upset about Julia (she was a youth mentor before she got sick.) I told the secretary that they would feel better after the next day because I knew they were planning to visit her then. The secretary turned and looked at me in horror before turning to her fellow employee and said, ” Did you not call Marietta and tell her? You were supposed to call her.” The man looked at me and then at the floor as he mumbled, “No- I forgot to.” “What?” I asked. “Julia died this morning.” I ran out of the church and came home to the quiet and peace that I knew would be here for me before bursting into tears. And I remembered what she had said and wondered if it had all been more than she could handle.
Another saying in the article I use all of the time- “things will work out the way they are supposed to.” I think that is easy for us to say. I live in a free country and in a pretty easy going life style. Many times when something doesn’t go my way, later on something happens that makes me glad things worked out the way they did. Just last week I realized that while I was a bit sad and embarrassed not to be cast in a certain play, I am glad I was not because I just got a big part in a rather iconic play that I think I will be much happier doing. So everything worked for the best- right? How do I really know that I would not have been just as happy in the other show? How do I know what is indeed “best” since I only can live one of the choices? How do I know if God orchestrated this or if it was just the directors making their “free will” choices?
Usually in my life, choices are not that earth shaking! What play will I be in, which meeting should I go to, should we go on a trip in January or wait until March? In other countries the choices are more life and death. In some countries walking across the street at the wrong time can get you shot. Being out at night is almost surely a death sentence. Women in some countries are raped or beaten for things women in this country do almost daily- like talking to a man for example. Where is God and all of these “sayings” then? Is it working out the best for them? Are they only getting what they can handle?
When Jon was in high school we saw Wicked on Broadway and for his show choir’s spring musical they did some music from Wicked as well as The Wiz and The Wizard of Oz. One of the lines of one of the Wicked songs about “the unexamined life” says, “Life is painless when you’re brainless.” We quoted that line a lot that year in a joking fashion. But I guess it is true. If you just repeat cliches and don’t really examine life it is easy in our situation to just spout them and move on, never really thinking about their validity. And I see where that can turn some young people (and some of the older as well) off to church. In our free and mostly safe environment it is much easier to see everything as lovely. How I wish I could see things through rose colored glasses! I am exceptionally grateful and I am optimistic, but I can not be blind to the fact that everyone in the world is not as fortunate as I. I can not pretend to have more grace on my side or that I am making the best choices for me all of the time. Life is more complex than that and although I know I will never have all of the answers (none of us will) I have to keep asking the questions. It is just who I am and as sayings go I guess “I got to be me!” is a true one!
