Reorganize

I just got through reorganizing my bags for school. I thought I had done an excellent job of filling my binders with new paper and getting ready for class last week. But just like you really don’t know if you will like a purse until you have used it for a week or so, you really don’t know what you need until school has started. SO for those eager beavers (aka- nerds!) like me, usually a lot of that work is a waste of time!

After today I have been to all of my classes, (except voice and I know what she expects- I hope!) and I have had to rearrange my stuff and go from two bags to three. Walking today from acting to ballet I was holding a very heavy bag and an umbrella while walking down a steep, brick path that had water running down it like a river. I had no hand to hold on with so I walked really slow. My dilemma when two guys came up behind me was, do I walk slowly like the nervous old lady I am or do I walk faster and take a chance on busting my ass?? I walked slowly!

My backpack would have alleviated that problem because I would have had a free hand to hold the handrail. Yes, this path is so steep they put a handrail for college students! So there, it’s not just me! I came home and put my Tuesday -Thursday stuff in my backpack instead of my cute purple bag!

All of this is my typical response to a bigger issue. When I can’t control a situation I work on something I can control! If life is falling apart I rearrange furniture! It stays where I put it! If someone is ill or dies I think of all of the practical issues- money, arrangements- the things I can handle. And if my classes are overwhelming after two days of looking at syllabi then I reorganize my bags.

I have 7 classes that equal 19 hours. I am in a show at the Virginia Samford where I am stage manager, doing 2 parts (including singing) and helping build the set. (I bet Kristen Chenoweth does not work on the sets!) Then I am doing a show at school- Heartbreak House. I am excited about all of it and I plan to do all of it 110% as always. But when I see 4 response papers due about one show and 25 ballet terms due by Thursday and they are French and totally foreign to me and lots of scenes to direct and memorize and monologues plus the shows to learn I begin to hear that little voice inside of me saying “You are too old for this- you can’t do this!” And I have to give that voice what my son calls “the stink eye”. I use it on him and I used it on my students back in the day and it works pretty well.

I have to remember my own “Rules for Success” (last post) and keep to a schedule, only worry about the next step and remember Coach Saban’s plan of “the process”. This is all a process that if I fail will not hurt me in any way (other than my ego which I know is an evil thing anyway!) So I will continue for now and strive to do the impossible-two shows, 7 classes and a family full of “opportunities”. I’ve got to go now and cook dinner, read Faust, write a personal statement for 2 classes and cry!