Today, out of the blue, I received notification of two more gifts to our church in memory of my mom. It has been six months this weekend since she died.
I think of her everyday, but it isn’t as constant and it isn’t as painful as it used to be. When before I could only feel the pain of her last week on earth, now I see further back to good times when we did something fun together and were happier. When before I only felt guilt and remorse, I now feel things in a more positive light.
Yesterday I was at a social gathering with others who just happened to have lost parents, some lost them years ago, others more recently. Today in the mail I received these memorials and a letter from my mom’s hospice care company.
The company seems to have a set of letters and phone calls they make at prescribed times to give you information on the stage of grief you are most likely in and to just check on you in general. Since I did all of the paperwork for my mom, I am the recipient of these contacts.
It is funny how emotions change and go through a process. It is a little scary that these pamphlets are so spot on.
The one I got today suggests keeping a journal. I suggest that to everyone all of the time. In our conversations yesterday, one of the ladies at the event said that she had coped by handwriting in a journal. Actually she said she wrote volumes and volumes of journals. She felt that writing had saved her.
It is funny how no one mentions my mom at all for weeks and then in two days I have these conversations and receive these notices in the mail. It is like I am being told to take a minute and remember. Slow down during these hectic days and remember what really matters.
My mom always told me at the end of our phone conversations to take care of myself and that she loved me. In the past week I have had late night rehearsals, meetings, projects and lots of extra work. Last night when my head hit the pillow around midnight, my toes were numb, my muscles ached and I was almost too exhausted to sleep. 14 hours on my feet going nonstop had taken it’s toll.
Today when I saw the brochure and memorial cards, I stopped and took a good cleansing breath. I looked out at the beautiful day and realized I needed to take care of myself and slow down.
In the book Essentialism that I have just read (and mentioned before) it says to remember the acronym WIN- What’s Important Now? I have been thinking of that a lot lately and I am trying to ask that question many times during the day. It helps me prioritize and not get spun into the ground when I am doing too much all at once.
It also says that you can DO two things at once, but you can’t effectively CONCENTRATE on two things at once. So I am trying to do one thing at a time and do it right, rather than doing two or more things at once and only doing a mediocre job. In the long run it doesn’t take more time because I feel better and make fewer mistakes.
What seems important often isn’t really MOST important when you actually ask yourself the question. With bills needing attention and laundry piling up, scripts to mark and things on the “to do” list, what is most important for me right now is to take a minute, take a deep breath, put my tired feet up and think about my mom. Just for a minute.
What is most important for me right now is to write about what I am experiencing and then go back to the piles of work that will still be waiting on me. Except now I will be renewed and refreshed, grateful for the clothes that I have to wash, grateful for the electricity and water I have to pay for, and thankful for the creative life I am privileged to live.
So thanks mom! I am learning to take care of myself and I love you, too.
