This is not a post to fuss at anyone. None of my posts are. I am just making observations and to be honest with you, the things I am moved to write about the most are things that bug me. I’m not saying that is good, I am just saying that it is. People always ask me if I am writing about them and I always say that I am not. But I add that if they see themselves in what I write (which they must have to ask me that question) then maybe they should think about that. So, here is today’s rant.
People don’t listen. Most of the time when I talk to people they are looking at an electronic device. Often I say something preposterous to see if they notice, other times I just quit talking altogether, mid-sentence. Sometimes I get a “Wait- what?” Sometimes I get nothing. Now I know I talk too much. I love to tell stories and I think everything that happens to me is a good story. (I also celebrate everything and get excited about anything, so sue me!) But more and more I have noticed that no one is listening to anyone- it isn’t just me! People are so tied to their phones and tablets and computers that if you want them to really hear what you say you had better send it electronically.
The other day I told someone something very important that they had called to ask me about. I tried to be succinct and to the point. This was business, not one of my way out tall tales. I repeated the information at one point just to be sure they understood. Days went by and when the information had been relayed to the person who needed to know it, exactly the opposite of what I had said was what got repeated! As it turned out it went through 2 other people first, but the exact opposite of what I said!?! It reminds me of the old telephone game we played as children, where you started a whispered message at one side of the circle and then by the time it got all of the way around you realized how distorted that message had become. It was a great lesson in gossip and how things you say can get twisted. I don’t guess that game works in this day and age. After all, if you text the information to someone and they want to repeat it, all they have to do is copy and paste. It should be the exact message!
One of my pet peeves is people who don’t give you their attention when you talk. Even before the age of cell phones and computers, my father was always “too busy” to listen. When I asked for advice he always told me I needed to figure things out for myself. He claimed to be a great dad because he was teaching me to be independent. I was independent, too much so at times, so when I asked advice, I NEEDED advice. As an adult I now realize that he just wasn’t listening to me! He always cut conversations short with the old “I am too busy”” excuse so many of us use, so I made a vow as a kid that I would never be “too busy” to listen to anyone. More than once I have been stuck listening to someone, all of the while thinking, “I have got to go! I have things to do!” I try to stop those thoughts and focus on what the person is telling me, but I am human. I have even found myself looking at the TV or my phone during conversations lately and I make myself stop. In any millennium it is just rude not to look at the person talking and pay attention.
I remember one of my theatre professors asking me if people looked at the person they were listening to . I said yes, absolutely! He looked at me and said “No, no they don’t!” His point was that I was looking too intently at the person speaking in a scene for class. The next time we had a conversation in his office he said, “Wow, you really do stare at the person talking to you!” I told him that what a person was doing, how they were acting during a conversation told me as much as their words. I told him I like to see someone’s eyes when they talk. People who look away most of the time during a conversation were up to something in my book! Although I did not mesh with this teacher, that did make him laugh!
More and more, the art of conversation is disappearing. I love to hear what people have to say and I do love to talk. Writing down conversations, like in plays, is really difficult for me. Having conversations with people is usually easy. Listening while you act on stage is very important. You have to react to what is being said on stage, even though you have heard it a thousand times. The audience has not heard it before and your character has not, so you have to play it fresh each time. And you can’t react too soon or too late. It has to be real. Listening is important. Not just on stage, but every day.
So listen up people! Put down the damn phone! Unless you are a doctor on call the world can probably get along without you long enough to have a conversation, a real conversation where you talk AND listen! Try it some time.
