I was fortunate today to get to stay home all day. After weeks of teaching, judging, reviewing and more, it was a real treat to not shower or dress and just stay in. So what did I do? I cleaned my house thoroughly and completely. I hand scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen floors, pulled furniture out and cleaned behind, vacuumed and dusted. I know for some of you, that sounds like an awful way to spend the day, but for me it was great! I love to clean. especially when things have gotten really dirty and you can see the difference after you are done. With all that has been going on, the house was a wreck.
While cleaning, I always seem to have deep thoughts. My best ideas come to me when I am showering or vacuuming. Today as I cleaned certain items I began to think about where they came from. Our house is very eclectic, to say the least. Between the furniture and art Tim has made for us and the things I have been given or acquired over the years, my house is a true representation of the people we are and the life we have lived. I can remember many times seeing rooms in magazines and deciding I would throw out some of the little gifts that students have given me or some of the books I collect. But when I actually grab a garbage bag and approach these treasures, I just can’t make myself throw away a memory.
Today I thought about my father, who used to get furious when I would offer my mother a piece of furniture that I no longer had a place for. He would step in before she could accept the offer and loudly (and rudely, I might add) so NO! He didn’t need our junk, our hand me downs! He could afford to buy whatever he needed! It used to hurt my feelings until I decided to quit letting him hurt me at every turn! But today as I cleaned I thought about all of the things I have that used to belong to others. One of my prized possessions is a table made from on old Singer sewing machine base that once belonged to my friend Stephen’s mom. I have a few of her things, but this is my favorite. When she died years ago, we helped Stephen move some of her things and he gifted me with these items. I felt truly honored that he would share her possessions, his memories of her, with me. I still do feel honored every time I look at them or use them.
I have a chair that once belonged to my friend Norma’s mom. It was cute and she was getting rid of it at the same time I was getting rid of a chaise I no longer wanted. So we swapped! I didn’t change the neon yellow upholstery although it matches nothing in my house. It has been in almost every room since I got it, and I still love it. Not matching one place makes it match every place! I have a buffet that my sister in law and her friend painted purple and then they distressed it. I loved it on sight! When she changed her decor, I lugged it to my house where it still lives.
For Tim’s bedside table he uses another old sewing machine cabinet that belonged to his mom. It is a really pretty piece that makes us think of her every morning when we see it.
His mom passed away last week and we have gone through her last few possessions. Mostly I kept pictures, but I also kept a random spindle off of who knows what. Tim asked me why I wanted that piece of junk and I couldn’t tell him. I liked the shape of it and I have a few other random finials, etc that I put it with. In everyone else’s eyes, maybe even including Memaw’s, it probably is junk, but she saved it, I like it and that is that. Every time I see it, I will smile. It was her junk, and now it is mine.
Some day, some one will go through all of my things, just like we went through hers. They will judge me for all of the things I have accumulated and they will probably curse me! Even now I think how much easier dusting would be with fewer things. Do I really need all of the crosses given to me by the preschoolers I taught? Do I really need all of the kid’s books from that same time in my life? Do I need to display so many pictures, wouldn’t a few photo albums be better? Do I need the poster’s and mementos from all of the shows I have done? What about the little collection of boxes brought to me from around the world by young friends on life’s adventures? Do I really need to keep them? Of course I don’t! But can I put any of these treasures away? Absolutely not!
My dad doesn’t seem to understand most things in life that are sentimental and meaningful to me. He certainly doesn’t understand that when someone offers you a piece of their history, a memory they want to share with you, it isn’t taking charity or using someone else’s junk. It is a sharing of love, it is what makes a house a home. It is what makes cleaning more than just a chore, it makes it an act of reverence. It is using and caring for the shared joy of family and the heartache when you lose someone. It is an honor to house someone’s past and enjoy it for your future.
So my house is clean. And I am filled with wonder. Wonder at how I got so lucky as to have such wonderful friends. Wonder at how my life has been enriched by all of he people I have known and loved. Wonder at the joy I feel when I gaze at the lovely flowers planted in my yard by my late friend Julia, look at the cross in my back yard built by Tim, dust the glass on the table that was once in Mrs. Mitchell’s home or serve a drink from the bar that was once in Marsha’s house. I often read curled up in the chair Norma swapped to me and I set my glasses down on the table that was once Memaw’s. Overall, I am blessed with memories that fill my heart with joy and love.
It may be junk to you, but to me it is love.
