I kind of messed up.
Between theatre and other obligations, I could tell that Tim and I needed a break. After our strange trip to Eureka Springs between Christmas and New Year’s I was sort of scared about planning another getaway but also wanted to go on other trip to get that one out of my mind!! As soon as the latest play was scheduled to close, I booked a little vacation.
When it got closer to time for us to go, I realized that I had booked this venture during Holy Week. We talked about cancelling the trip, but Tim felt I had worked too hard getting things lined up just right to cancel it all. Plus, we had too many things planned for the next month or more- it was sort of now or never.
I wasn’t super excited about the whole thing- I hated to be gone during Holy Week, I was still gun shy from the last trip and I wasn’t sure there was really enough to do in these small towns where we were headed.
The trip was very low key, but I really enjoyed it. Tim, being a wild night life kind of guy, (that was sarcastic for those who don’t know) kept making fun of us being back in our room each evening by 8. Small towns tend to close up their storefronts and eateries pretty early.
The hotel was an old building that had been modernized inside recently and our suite was huge and beautiful. We overlooked a courtyard that reminded me of New Orleans and the hotel sat on the main street for shopping. We spent part of the day at their spa then found a great bookstore and had lunch there. Then we wandered from antique shop to antique shop, with a few gift shops, wine shops and clothing stores thrown in. The weather was supposed to get bad later on, but luckily it held off until later and we had reservations for dinner in our hotel.
The Italian restaurant that had come up when I googled “best, most romantic restaurant in town” just happened to be in our hotel. Since it did storm that night, we were glad it had worked out that way.
The restaurant was odd in that everyone got their own private dining room. I could see where there would be times I would like that, but on a vacation I like to do some people watching and there was none of that!! The food was really good so there is that!
Our second small town was another adventure, which I might write about some other time- this really was not supposed to be a travel post! We were just there for one night and we did everything we had hoped to do. Friday morning we were up early and headed home. I wanted to be sure to get home in time to get the house straight, unpack, get the laundry done and the cat loved on before Good Friday services.
We got home, got everything done that I had hoped for and then went to church. As people gathered, we saw so many of our favorite folks. Young people we don’t get to see as often, people we miss because they go to the earlier service on Sunday, and even some people we knew weren’t coming to church as often, all seemed to congregate last night.
Sitting in front of us was one of the ladies I had so enjoyed working with years ago through the United Methodist Women. Although she has lost her husband since then and I haven’t seen her much due to Covid, there she was, as sweet, friendly and personable as ever. She shared how she had been, asked about what I was up to and even checked on how my son was doing.
Then one of our favorite young couples came and sat beside us. We chatted with them for a bit, talked to a few other people who walked by and then the service started.
Our Good Friday services are always some of the best. The music is beautiful, the readings are moving and the lighting is dramatic. This year was exceptional.
For years, the youth choir has stood in a circle around the cross that is in the altar area and sung “Draw Me Nearer” during this service. I saw that they were going to do that again this year and didn’t give it much thought. It was the first song to be performed. The kids were walking towards the front of the church when I started seeing young people who had graduated years ago. Some of our very favorite people in the world were walking up there.
As the music played and the youth sang, I had a feeling pass over me like I have never felt before. It was as if I was being embraced. Embraced by the music, embraced by the people who were singing, embraced by the people sitting around me, embraced by God.
I felt home.
Lately, I have had those moments when I have doubted what I believe. I have had times recently when I haven’t felt very lovable. I have had those moments of feeling displaced and unsure of where and if I belong.
In that moment, seeing kids I have known their whole lives, others that I only barely know and others that I have never seen before, I thought about the vows we take to help raise those kids. Looking at the back of the older friend who was sitting in front of me, seeing the two young adults sitting beside me and looking around at all of the other people gathered in that space, all listening to that same music, seeing the same cross, in that moment I felt like I belonged.
With any of the trips I ‘ve taken- the weird ones, the boring ones, the simple ones, the adventurous ones, I always feel best when I get back home. Whether I get lost or confused, encounter rudeness or bad weather, or just feel out of place, I know that I will soon be home.
Last night, in that moment, surrounded by so much love, listening to that music, seeing those young faces lit by candlelight as they stood around that cross, I felt at peace, at home.
The service goes on to describe the events from over 2,000 years ago. It is not a very comforting story- it shows us how people can be so cruel and harsh. But we know that Easter is coming.
I know that I will have those moments of doubt. I know that in the days to come I will hear that voice in my head that often says things to me, about me, that are not too kind. I know that I will get lost again and again. I know that I will disagree with some of the very people sitting in that room with me last night. I know that I will have those times of confusion. However I may feel in the days to come, I want to try to remember how I felt at that moment. If I go astray, it is good that I know the way home.
