For the past three Christmases I was too busy with school and finals and juries to worry too much about Christmas. I put the tree in the house, but it spent days (sometimes week) undecorated in the corner, left alone like the unpopular girl at prom. When everyone decided not to do gifts, I went along with it because at the time it was easy. (If you read my blog regularly you know how I really feel about “easy”!)
This year I did not have the excuse of school, but I did have the excuse of a play. I have missed really “doing up” Christmas so I decided to try to go all out. I got my tree up earlier than usual for us and I decorated every room of the house. And then there was the question of gifts. I have realized I see gifts differently from most every one else. And after listening to the sermon on Christmas eve I realized maybe why.
I admit things in this blog so I will admit it-I like gifts. I like to get them, but I really like to give them. I felt almost no Christmas spirit the past 3 years so I decided this year to get out and shop. To see the decorations in the stores, talk to salespeople and hear the recorded Christmas carols over the store speakers. I tried to shop local and I tried to be thoughtful in how I spent money, buying fair trade or local artisan made. I bought pretty much everyone who I have not been exchanging gifts with, a little something. And I did not expect anything back. I never do. Years ago it seems people would give each other money and I thought it odd. It was like we were all exchanging money which made no sense. Then we went to making donations for each other, but then the question became do we give to our favorite charity or the recipient’s favorites? Do we give a lot to one place or a little to a bunch of places? How much were the other people giving and what should we do? What if we don’t agree with the beliefs of their charity?? It became this whole big thing, so then we went to doing nothing as far as gift giving.
Understand that I believe in giving to charity. I think we should do it all year long, not just in December! And I think who we give to and how much we give is a very personal thing. You can not give too much, but conversely you can not give too little. (If you THINK it is too little it probably is so just give a little more! But if it is what you feel like you can do, it is enough!) But what you can give, what you feel good about giving, what you want to give is totally up to you and is a personal matter!!
I think presents are the same way. You give what you can, what you want and what you feel good about. And you don’t measure what you get in return. With money to charity you expect nothing back, except the good feeling that you helped someone. When I give someone a present I feel the same way. I give it to them because I want to share something with them- a good book, a cute ornament, a tasty treat, whatever. No strings, no expectations.
I have a friend who for the past several Christmases has stopped by on Christmas Eve with 3 lovely sugar cookies, wrapped in tissue and tied with a pretty bow. That night we usually have them as a snack between the 2 candlelight services we work at church. Some years Tim has made these friends a little something and we sneak it anonymously in their yard and some years he doesn’t. This year I was asleep in my chair with a purring kitten in my lap. I answered the door half awake and had a quick visit and hug before my friend went on to her next stop. I put the cookies on the counter as I continued to wake up and thought, “I didn’t give her anything!” But then I realized that it is OK for us to receive these cookies in the spirit of love that they are given and not feel like I HAVE to give something right then in return. I hope during the year I do something for her to show her how much I care about her and love her and her family. But for today it was enough to hug her, thank her and enjoy the treat she brought for us! That is what our life should be about- cherishing and enjoying each other year round! It is not a contest!
Another group of my friends finally were able to get together last week. College was tough on our friendship! We talked about gifts and how we might start not doing gifts for each other and make a donation instead. As I talked about what I was feeling this year, we all realized that throughout the year we see things that remind us of each other. Often we buy the item and put it away for birthdays or Christmas. We all decided it would be terribly hard to not do that! We are all three very close and know each other so well! I told them we should discuss it again, but not at the holidays. Again, I would be happy with a donation, if that is what someone wants to give me, but if someone sees a scarf that makes them happy or they want to share a new recipe, that would also make me happy! I can certainly buy my own Jordan Almonds. But when I have a friend who remembers I do not like chocolate and brings me a bag of Jordan Almonds, I feel that she KNOWS me and loves me!! That is how to give a gift!
What does not make me happy is feeling like I got or gave a gift out of obligation. In fact I pretty much don’t do that anymore. If you get a gift from me, at Christmas or anytime, it is because I really wanted to give it to you, for any number of reasons. However, if you did not get a gift from me, it does not mean I don’t love you. It means I didn’t see anything worthy of how I feel about you, or I did not see something that made me think of you. Because I am not going to just buy something because I felt I “had to”!!
Our minister talked about being willing to “receive our king” as in the words of “Joy to the World.” I don’t think God wanted us to send Him a gift back that night so long ago. He wants us to think of Him, talk to Him, love Him, but He did not expect us to send Him a new pair of gloves. He wants us to love one another, but He does not need a cute pair of shoes! He wants us to take care of each other the best way we know how and sometimes that is with a funny tie that will make Uncle George laugh or a small, antique figurine that will make mom nostalgic. Sometimes it is putting yourself into a project like creating a scrapbook for someone and sometimes it is being the coolest mom and finding the XBox One when no one else could! But without love, none of those gifts is worth anything.
So I say give! Give to charities, give to your family, give to your friends, give to the people you don’t know at all. Give your money, give stuff, give yourself, give love. But whatever you do, do it from the heart. Don’t expect anything in return. And don’t worry so much! Other than that, there are no rules! We don’t need more rules, we need more love and more giving. Because bottom line, whatever we give, love is always the perfect gift.
