While putting the ornaments on the tree this year, I again took longer than necessary. My problem is that I look at each ornament and remember the story behind it. There are handmade ornaments from my son’s preschool years and gifts from friends, souvenirs of trips, etc.
This year I spent an extra moment looking at the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament. My “baby” will be 30 years old next month, but I will always remember that first Christmas.
I remember lots of firsts for him and for us as a family. But I also remember lasts. That is what I keep coming back to this holiday season.
I remember his first day of “big” school, but also when he was leaving elementary school and had his last day there. I remember his first varsity football game. I remember his last game in high school, what we thought would be his last game ever. They won a state championship and it was a great day! Little did we know a couple of years later he would get the chance to play again, totally unexpected!
I remember all of the lasts of his senior year. I remember his first day of college. I remember his first date, his first dance, his first time driving away in his own car, by himself- that was the worst!
We all have those firsts and lasts we remember. I think firsts are usually exciting and lasts, if noted, can be sad or at least bittersweet.
I say “if noted” because we often do something for the last time and don’t realize it. I had no idea that last Christmas would be my mom’s last. Had we known, it might have been different. Maybe not.
I often wonder if it is better to know. I know someone who has been told this could well be his last holiday season. Of course, how many times have you heard of someone who was told they had six months to live, three years ago! We are not on a timetable that we can plan out and no one knows how long any of us have.
My thought is, would I rather know so I could savor the “lasts”? Or would I savor them at all? Would I be so scared and intense about it all that I would just ruin everything?
While last year was my mom’s last holiday season, everything this season will be the first with my mom gone. I went shopping yesterday, my one and only token attempt at buying Christmas stuff, and I kept seeing things that I thought my mom would like. It was kind of sad and I didn’t shop for very long.
There are lots of firsts still ahead in my life, I hope. There are definitely lasts as well. I might not even realize when I do something for the last time. Every time I leave the beach, I stand at the edge of the water and take a long, hard look and a deep breath and imagine it will be the last time I ever see the place that makes me the most happy and calm. After all, you never know.
I wish I was more aware like that with everything I do. Because even though some of us might get a warning that our time is almost up, all of us know that it is coming someday. So why not live each special day (and aren’t they all special) as if it was the first time you ever got to do that day, because it is!? And savor the moment because it could be the last time you’ll ever be right there, doing that.
