Family

I just came home from a funeral. It was for a 90 year old man from my church. He was one of those men that everyone at church knew and he was one of the leaders of our congregation. I had many connections to him, friends with many of his family members, but I had the added connection of having sung with him for a couple of years as a member of the Trinity Singers. He always had a joke and was so easy to get along with. He sat right behind me in choir practice and his voice was beautiful. While others asked for solos he never did, so if I had not been right in front of him I might never have known. That was just him, never bragging or showing off, just doing his thing to the best of his ability. He sat in choir with a couple of other guys who always made me think of those fun guys I used to love to sit in front of in high school. You know the kind- the ones who always had a funny line or an under the breath remark that just cracked you up. Even in their 80’s these guys were a blast to sit in front of!

His niece, who happens to be a minister, spoke about him at the funeral. She is someone I have been acquainted with for years, but I actually feel like I have gotten to know her better because of this blog. She has read it faithfully from what I can tell and often offers encouraging words and quotes. I have been bolstered many times by her positive responses to my rants! Today as she talked about her beloved uncle I felt a pang of envy. In front of her was a very large, extended, and what has always appeared to be a very close knit family. Since I am friends with so many of them I know most of them gather for Sunday lunch pretty much every week. Though some have moved far away, looking around the group I realized how many of them are members of our church. Two of my very good friends are in this family and their children are friends of my son. One of these guys is one of Jon’s very closest friends! I have traveled on choir tour with a lot of this family and been in circle with others. Four of the women I admire most are members of this family. I could go on and on. My jealousy came as she told stories of this fine man with such fondness and admiration. I don’t know any of my uncles. I had 3 or 4 I believe, but my parents did not keep a very close relationship with their families so I only met them a few times. I have a brother that I don’t know if Jon has ever even met. I haven’t seen my brother in over 25 years. And sadly I am OK with that. Maybe someday I will write about that, but not anytime soon. We are a strange bunch and not close at all- obviously! I have lots of cousins but again, I do not know them, would not recognize them if they appeared on my doorstep. To see this close knit family sent a strange feeling through me, one I often long for, but one I have learned to live without.

It warmed my heart to see them together even if it was for a sad occasion. I felt the love they share all the way up in the balcony. I know their faith is strong and they are a family I can take comfort in seeing. Tim and I always say we have made our own family of all sorts of friends. Even while I was in college the past few years I felt like we added a few more people to our rag-tag, thrown together family! I am blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life and I always feel a strong conviction to do more with my life whenever I go to a funeral.

My parents would not let me attend funerals when I was growing up, I think I have told you all this before. I was in my mid thirties before I attended my first funeral. I never know what to say and I try to slip in and out without seeing anyone or speaking to anyone. I always feel awkward and overwhelmed. The minute I walked into the church today I walked straight into the niece I told you about at the first of this post. I was so happy to see her in person and then it hit me that this was her uncle we were there for and I immediately said the wrong thing I am sure. But I hugged her and then ran upstairs to hide in the balcony. Listening to her during the service made me realize how fortunate we all were to have known her uncle. I count my blessing everyday and knowing this family is always a part of that gratitude. We will all miss you Dr. John.