I know two people who dreamed of a future and worked hard to make it a reality. When they got everything they had dreamed of, they felt overwhelmed and overworked and weren’t sure about this life long dream anymore.
I know someone who wanted to start an organization and when they did, it wasn’t exactly what they thought it would be and they weren’t even sure if they were interested any more.
I know someone who only wanted to be in the big city, making it. No particular dream other than being somewhere exciting. Now that person is there, but miserable.
I myself saw an ad for a job over two years ago and I ran to my husband and said, “Have you ever heard anything more perfect??” And after a couple of years I realized that it was not very perfect after all.
Dreams are funny things. They can be a great motivator. They can push you to be all that you can be.
They can also be just that- a dream. Something that seems good when you imagine it, but not be so great when you are living it.
But how, after hard work, sacrifice and making that large proclamation to the world, do you ever admit that it wasn’t what you thought it would be? How do you say “never mind” and just walk away? How do you trust that the next idea, the next dream, won’t be just as ill fitting as the last one? How do you know when you get it right, when you realize what it is you are truly meant to do?
Because I don’t think we are meant to do things that make us miserable. Now don’t get me wrong, a good dream is going to take lots of work. If you are lazy, that’s your problem, not the dream. Making it in any area of life takes sacrifice, determination, and perseverance. Giving up just because it is hard is just giving up. But was it really your “life long dream” if you really don’t want to put your whole heart into it?
I remember in college that there were kids who professed their passion for acting. “Theatre is my LIFE!!!!!” they would proclaim. I waited for them to swoon over this dramatic statement. But then they skipped acting class, they didn’t learn their lines, they put a party or a date over a rehearsal, the sniffles was an excuse to lay out and not participate in a workshop. They liked the thought of this dream, but they didn’t like the reality.
Being passionate about something doesn’t mean you don’t get scared about it. It doesn’t mean you don’t have doubts. It doesn’t mean you don’t struggle, not just with the forces in the world that might keep you from it, but with yourself: your laziness, your fickleness, your uncertainty.
A true passion keeps you going, it pushes you onward through the trials. I feel that a true passion will continue to push you through the world telling you “no”, your own exhaustion, fear and doubt.
Does passion die? Can it eventually be killed? At least stifled for a time? And if your passion dies or you discover a stronger passion, a different passion altogether, how do you change course? How do you explain to the world that you are going down a new road?
I just heard Tim Kaine’s wife of 32 years, Anne Holton, use a phrase I really liked. She is a lawyer, has been a judge and was appointed Secretary of Education in Virginia. She left being a judge to be first lady of Virginia while her husband was Governor. During that time she worked on the child welfare system in that state. She then left her post as Secretary of Education to campaign with her husband for Vice President. Although she is an intelligent, independent woman (she kept her maiden name much to her mom’s dismay!) she keeps giving up her “dreams” to support her husband’s.
The phrase that Ms. Holton used that really hit me was that although she keeps changing course in order to support her family or her husband, she tries to make sure she is always “falling forward.” She makes sure she is still making a difference and that her perspective and dreams live on in whatever she is doing. She is making overall progress in her life.
I like that. Falling forward. Changing your trajectory, but in a way that keeps you moving on in a positive way. Making each decision and each move count towards a positive life and a positive world. In football we always point out how a player, when he is tackled just keeps pushing and then falls forward for extra yardage. We say he has done such an amazing job to think clearly and push forward.
I think my new goal will be to fall forward. To not worry about how I look as I falter and fall. Not worry how it looks that I change my course along the way. My goal will be as I stumble through life, make those odd decisions and change my mind, to always fall forward and land a little further along than I was before.
