Well, I am getting close. I can see the finish line. I am registered for my last semester of college and I am almost through with this semester. I have gone through the “robing ceremony” at Founder’s day so I have my cap and gown at the ready. I went to Senior Elite night this week, where I was named to Who’s Who Among American Colleges and Universities. I have worked my butt off getting ready for my BFA project. And right now, at this moment I feel totally overwhelmed and I am not sure I can do it.
I have so much left to do this semester and a super full load of classes for next semester, plus I want to be involved in some production in my last few months at school. After school I may never get the chance to do anything of note again, so I feel the pressure to really blow it out this last go around. But it scares the crap out of me! And I feel totally overwhelmed. And then I see where my old friends are at the beach or in the mountains or shopping in NYC and I wonder why I am doing all of this? I have no real goal, even though the faculty pushes me to say I do. I have no real need of this degree, I just wanted it. And right at this moment I can not remember why!
Somebody slap me- I am hyper-ventilating! Deep breaths- I will be fine. I have worked too hard and come too far to panic now. But I will need lots of prayers and lots of help to make it through this last leg of the journey. It has been fabulous and wonderful, awful and exhausting. I have been ecstatic, honored, irritated and angered. I have wanted to punch people and later hug those same people. I have thought I was losing my mind and filling my brain all at the same time. I have made friends I will probably never see again after graduation and I can only pray my old friends will take me back after 3 years of neglect. I am faltering, but will keep stumbling to that finish line.
