I used to have a voice teacher who wanted me to “take up more space.”
I am not a tiny person, I would say I am about average. Not super tall, not short enough to shop in petites. Most of my life I worked at “being small” and my voice teacher wanted none of that.
What do I am mean by being small? After all, we are asked these days to have a small carbon footprint, not to be wasteful and to keep our consumption of resources as small as possible. Being small is a good thing, right?
That is not what I am referring to.
I am sure that you know people who take over the room when they enter. It could be from physical size or beauty, but it is usually more about their personality. It is the way they carry themselves, the volume of their voice or the way they command attention. When people like this enter the room, you notice them whether you want to or not!
There are those people who aren’t quite as commanding, but they draw you to them just the same. These people are usually positive, up beat and have experiences and stories to share that pull you in, like a moth to a flame.
And then there are those of us who used to be called wallflowers. We can slip into a space basically unnoticed. We were taught to not speak unless spoken to and to be seen and not heard, which eventually leads to not being seen either.
Often times being around others who have big, all consuming personalities makes a withdrawn person pull in even more.
My voice teacher wanted me to be more of a presence when I sang. To fill the space with not only my voice but my very being. She wanted me to quit sitting in the smallest corner when I waited for my lesson. She wanted me to spread out and take up more room when I went anywhere, she wanted me to stake my territory and defend it.
It just wasn’t in my nature.
I thought when I got to be old that I would be more adventurous, I would be more self assured, I would say what I wanted and take up all of the space I needed. Maybe I am not quite old enough yet because that transformation hasn’t happened.
It seems that I have many people in my life right now who are ready to grab life by the. . . well, who are going for the gusto. Who take up space, who want to experience it all, who can throw caution to the wind and go for it, who find everything in life an adventure.
I envy those people.
I am too practical, too prudent, too thrifty. Who am I kidding? I’m too scared!
Scared to make a mistake, scared to look silly, scared to be noticed, to call attention to myself, scared to say the wrong thing, just scared.
I am convinced that fear is the one thing that holds most of us back from being the person we were called to be. Fear of failure, fear of missing out, fear of what others might think, fear of disappointment and of disappointing others.
What could we accomplish in life if we weren’t afraid, if we didn’t care who got credit, if we didn’t worry about money or our popularity? If we were only concerned with what was possible, what made us better, what made those around us better, what brought joy and happiness to ourselves and those around us?
If we weren’t so protective of our ego, of our image, of our assets, what would we step out and accomplish? If we aimed for the stars and took up our space to get there, what could we do?
You would think that since I am someone who likes to be on stage, who loves to hear people laugh at what I say and do and who wants to use the creativity that seems ready to explode out of me at times, that I would be one of those people who walks in and takes over a room.
Alas, I am not.
I think it is not uncommon for people who love to perform to be shy and quiet off stage. Believe me, there are lots of performers who take over any space they are in, but there are those of us who seem to shrink into the wall when put in a social situation.
And for me at least, it seems the louder and more attention grabbing those around me get, the more I step back into the shadows. I am just not up for the competition for attention, time or oxygen. If someone else needs to be the center of the room, I am usually happy to step into the shadows and let them have all the recognition they need.
Usually.
Lately, I am not so sure of that. Life seems to be zipping right on past me. I see where I have missed out because of pulling myself back, stepping aside for others, being the sensible one, the cautious one, the dependable one. Although that has always been my disposition, I realize how many people now count on me to handle the drudgery, sweat the big and small stuff, handle the work while they frolic without a care in the world. I see where I am worrying about things that aren’t really mine to worry about and that I am worried about things WAY more than the people who should be concerned.
Changing isn’t easy at any age, but it gets harder as time goes on. Thinking that at a certain age I would suddenly throw caution to the wind and sing out loud in public, tell bawdy jokes at parties, and enter a room with too much perfume, crazy outfits and a loud voice was not very realistic.
But making myself even smaller, taking the weight of the world on my shoulders, and saying no to everything has got to stop.
In improv you learn that the answer to everything has to be “YES, AND” or the skit dies a horrible death. The only way to keep things going is to say YES! The only way to open the door for more is to say YES, AND???
For those who say “yes” to life and keeps on looking for the “and” I commend you. You might find yourself in the weeds sometimes, but at least you are some place different than before. Keep on going! For those of you who know how to take up all of the space you can, hurray! Claim your place in life!
As for me, I need to grow a bit and try to find my “yes, and.” And yes, I will. Just as soon as I get through all of the work I have on my plate, and I save up some money, and I make sure everyone else is taken care of and. . .
