I have had a whirlwind of a week. It was unrelenting- plays to review, kids to read to, meetings to attend, and a pageant to judge. So many new and fun things to see and do. And as the week progressed, I kept thinking of all of the things I wanted to write about, about people I met and stories I heard. About the books I read to some amazing kids and the feelings I had at many incredible productions from an original work done totally by high schoolers all of the way to an opera presented by the city’s oldest cultural organization.
But today I woke up to an event that punched the words right out of me. And then I saw the comments posted on social media that pushed me even further back. And suddenly I don’t know what to say.
Yesterday, I heard adults, both male and female, talk for hours about young women who were not there. I heard them discuss the dresses they had worn and the size of their thighs. It had nothing to do with the lovely senior ladies I had hesitantly agreed to judge, but the bigger pageant that was happening elsewhere this weekend for young women in their late teens and early twenties. And these people gossiping weren’t the age of these young women, but more my age, in their late 40’s and 50’s.
In order to keep the peace and get through the day, I held my tongue. But I wanted to scream at these people and say, “Really? With all that is going on in the world, all you can fixate on is the size of these young ladies thighs? OR what their dress looked like from the back?” I was horrified. It was like being back in high school, but come to think of it, I really never heard such carrying on even in high school.
I will say I am now somewhat ashamed that I did keep my mouth shut. Too often we just go with the flow so as not to ruffle feathers. As I get older though, I am learning that I finally feel grown up, but only when I am true to myself.
One story this group told during our down time was how they hoped one girl didn’t win because her father just went on and on about his daughter. They discussed how irritating it was to hear his cheers and his conceited remarks about his child. This is when I almost lost it! How much would I have given if just once my dad had told me when I was a teenager that I was pretty!? And even if this father they were discussing was obnoxious beyond tolerance, why was that a reason to think this young girl wasn’t worthy of a crown? Dad was the one bragging, not her!
The other pageant, the one I was judging, turned out much as I thought it would. I saw on the news where the bigger pageant down the road turned out in a way that made me chuckle at these old men and women who need to get a real life of their own. Needless to say, that was my first and last pageant experience.
But while some people were worried about people’s appearances yesterday and knew all of the quick fixes to lose weight unhealthily or sculpt their thighs unnaturally, others in town were preparing for parades and celebrations. Before the weekend was over, those celebrations would become vigils. Judging people worthy or unworthy because of their politics, or gender or orientations would make the judging of something as unimportant as beauty seem just as petty as it is.
And the comments on social media! The finger pointing, the religion thrown out as an excuse, the politicizing of everything is more than I can take.
Life is so short. It is a finger snap and then we are gone. In that time there is so much joy to be had, so much love of all kinds to share, so much beauty to see in the arts, in nature, in the smile of a beautiful young girl who isn’t really worried about how many inches it is around her thigh or what her backside looks like. Why must we waste so much of our time in others people’s lives, trying to judge what they do, how they look, or how they love?
I told my husband when I got home from the pageant that I realized that being obsessed with beauty is not very pretty and that the most beautiful women of any age are those that are too busy living to worry so much whether they are beautiful. He and I named the women we knew to be beautiful and they were of so many different ages and sizes and shapes. The common thread we came up with was that they are all loving and joyous, yet dignified in the way they lead their lives.
Maybe we need to quit judging and start listening to each other. Maybe we need to start concentrating on the natural beauty in this world and experiencing compassion and joy. Instead of giving lip service to the idea that we are all made differently, really let everyone BE different. Love differently. Act differently. Speak differently. Have different dress sizes. And somewhere in all of that, concentrate on making ourselves better instead of pointing fingers at everyone else.
Maybe if we could all just really be who we are instead of hiding and pretending out of fear, some of these differences would go away.
I know that I am dreaming. I know that there will be comments made here that I won’t like. I know that nothing is going to change. We are getting more and more used to tragedy. We cry for a day and then move on, until it happens again. We forget.We get caught up in the whirlwind of life and keep on going. Nothing gets better, in some ways I think things get worse. We push it aside and creep back to judging others. We don’t listen, we don’t try to understand each other. We demonize those that don’t meet our ideals and we are surprised when monstrous things happen again and again. But each time we are less and less surprised. Each time we recover and move on more and more quickly.
My super busy week is being followed by a very slow and boring week- thank goodness! I have a few days to think and reflect. I have time to pray for the people who were lost and the people who don’t care. I have time to consider what I want my life to be going forward. I think there are changes coming. I have time to rest my weary mind. If everyone in this world would take time to get themselves in order instead of going after others, maybe things would be different. Maybe we could see more beauty in each other just as we are and maybe there would be fewer beasts among us.
