A few months ago, I had a conversation with a friend of mine about hugging people and how awkward it can sometimes be. We talked about going in to hug someone who extends their hand for a handshake. Or you go for a full on hug and then they go for a side hug. Or you go high and they go high and you have a weird and awkward embrace.
I am never sure if people want to hug me at all. I think of some people as way cooler than I am and I am not sure if the cool people hug. Or if they only hug other cool people.
Sometimes I am so happy to see people that I just move in to hug them and realize they are not up for that AT ALL!
The other day I was sitting down and someone I knew walked up, They were ready to sit by me and as I moved my arm to semi hug them, I think I inadvertently groped them instead.
Awkward moments on TV or on the movie screen make me feel very uncomfortable.
Overall, I think of myself as pretty awkward. My face gives away every feeling I am having and that can definitely be awkward. My face is an open book and I know that it betrays what my mouth is saying sometimes.
As I get older I think I say the wrong thing more and more. I come home often to ponder what dumb thing I did or said while I was out in the world.
Part of my problem is that I really want to hear what others have to say, why they think the way they do, what makes them tick. So I ask questions as if interviewing them for 60 Minutes. I then realize they might not have been socially correct questions to ask. I have learned to preface my questions with, “Maybe I shouldn’t ask this but…”
That really doesn’t help.
The other day I was walking away from someone I had been talking to and wanted to make some sort of connection, even though we are barely acquaintances. I had a bottle of water in my hand, so I raised the bottle and went to just tap their arm with my extended bottle. Writing that even sounds awkward, but actually it wasn’t quite as awkward as it sounds.
The guy saw my arm come up and he raised his arm to shake my hand, which had a bottle of water in it. Awkward!!
Going out after a show to talk to the audience members who have hung around is always awkward for me. It is especially awkward if I feel that the show or my performance (or both) left a little to be desired. I want to just get out of the theatre and go home to heal my wounds. Instead I listen to well intentioned people tell me kind things that I don’t believe for a second. And I know that my face does its thing. (See above.)
Some days I come home and wonder why I was let out unsupervised. Other days I am a bit more tolerable as a human.
My only hope is that people see that I am as sincere as Linus’ pumpkin patch and that I really just wanted to give a hug, find out more about you, or tried to make a connection. I have to hope that I am not the only one who feels awkward when out with all of the cool people I know.
When I had awkward teenage moments I remember thinking it would pass. I would grow up and know how to act, what to say, how to carry myself. I would never have guessed that at my age I would still be figuring it all out, still feeling awkward.
