Well, another semester over. It ended the way it started, totally beyond my comprehension. On Thursday I had my interview about my project and I left there about as confused as I could be. I will not say any more about that. Then I came home and worked on decorating my house, something that calms me when I am in turmoil. When you move furniture, it stays where you put it. When you clean you make a difference you can see.
Thursday night I took the cast of TIMELINE out to dinner. Since most people were through with finals, the restaurant there in Montevallo was packed. The five of us ate, drank, reminisced about the show, told stories and watched Spanish soap operas with the sound down (We were in a Mexican restaurant.) Now there is some acting for you! We decided perhaps we should have skipped college and just watched those soaps all day!
Many people stopped by our table to tell us how much they loved our show. A couple of people pulled me aside to tell me how touched they were by certain aspects of TIMELINE and they were very specific so I knew they were being real. I heard how my love story gave them hope, how they were moved by the song I sang to Tim and how they saw the love pouring out of me at that point and how that was when I had them. It made me feel 180 degrees from where I had felt after my interview.
Friday was the last day of finals for school for this semester. I had my juries. It was all of the same songs I sang for TIMELINE so I was not very nervous. I have had a sore throat all week, but I felt I could sing through it this one last time, and I did. I never think I sound very good and this was no exception, but I did what I could.
Then I walked to lunch where I again heard from people how moved they were by TIMELINE and how it had really affected them and changed them. That is when the waitress came by to tell us about the shootings at a school in Connecticut. And again, I had a 180 degree change in how I felt about the world around me.
I spent the afternoon listening to one of my son’s radio stations as they took callers and discussed the tragedy. For nearly two hours I heard people pour out their feelings. And at 4:15 I got out of my car, walked across the street and went into UM’s Student Activity Center to watch my friends graduate. I was so proud of my BFA partner Stephonn, my friends Jade and Bethany, and others I knew from different classes we had taken together, Erik, Frausto and more. I watched as they walked across the stage full of excitement and hope. I saw them walk out waving to family and friends, smiles beaming. I thought of the kids who that morning lost their chance for ever doing that and the families who lost so much. I hugged my friend Matt, who was sitting with me and told him Merry Christmas. He looked at me and said, “We will see each other in 5 minutes outside!” And I just smiled at him. Because I know that you never really know when you will see someone again. When you feel that urge to hug someone and say “Merry Christmas” or “I Love You”, just do it!
The crowd went out of the gym and eventually swept me out of the door before I really got to see everyone. But this was a day for family- I had been blessed to spend time with these people for weeks and I was mentally exhausted and wanted to be home, so I let the crowd carry me along and then I went to the parking lot, got in my car and headed home.
Tim had gone to one of our young friend’s engagement party so I came home to a quiet house. I walked over to turn on the Christmas tree lights and found an ornament broken in a thousand pieces on the floor. It was a Radko ornament of a turtle, one of my favorites. My first thought was “that cat!” and then I realized that it must have just fallen of it’s own accord. I felt a lump in my throat, but I got the dustpan and cleaned up the broken shards of glass. I took a hot bath and curled up on the sofa by our window and looked at the bicycle tree my husband had put up in our front yard, the lights putting a happy, multicolored glow on everything in the room. But I can not say happiness is what I felt. About then Tim came home to tell me about the party and his day as we curled up on the sofa together.
In TIMELINE and for my jury I sang Both Sides Now, by Joni Mitchell. Again, I do not know if I sang it very well, but I do know I sang it with all of my heart and I hope that at least that showed to some people. I have had many people tell me it did. I would rather move you with emotion than be a great singer so I am OK with that. I know it meant a lot to me to sing it each night. I went to bed thinking about the words to that song- “something’s lost, but something’s gained in living everyday. I’ve looked at life from both sides now, from win and lose and still somehow, it’s life’s illusions I recall, I really don’t know life… at all.”
