I was on TV this morning. It was one of those times that I agreed to do something before I had the chance to really think it through completely. I do that a lot because I can so easily talk myself out of anything- I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough to do much of anything if I think it about it long enough. So if there is any inkling that I am able to do something and it is an OK thing to do, I just say yes and then worry about the rest of it later. Since I am the kind of person who follows through and does what she promises, I will show up no matter what. Hey, it gets me out of the house!
I agreed to the TV spot before my mom died. In fact I wrote my interview (yes, they make you write your own questions!) while beside my mom’s hospital bed. I really couldn’t think about that while I was at the TV station today, but I thought about it the moment I got done. I remember chatting away to my mom while I wrote, even though she was not really aware of what I was saying.
This TV station is interesting in that the front desk and reception area are very nice. The holding area before you go in to the studio is not so nice and the actual studio itself is a maze of cords and cameras and other equipment. It looks nothing like it does once you are in place and the camera rolls. The illusion it creates is complete and no one sees the black back of the desk or the white tape that shows you where to stand. The camera doesn’t pan down to see that the host has on Uggs with her lovely dress and no one knows that all of the different sets are around a room no bigger than my den. It is all just a make believe world.
Much like the world of TV, the real world is full of illusion. And when we compare ourselves to that made up world, we always fall short. I heard the other day that young people are filled with FOMO, the fear of missing out. They see what others their age are doing and they feel they are falling short. It causes them stress and anxiety. I can relate.
The problem is, they are getting their information from social media. On Facebook and Instagram we put out the best 10% of our lives. We show only what we want to show, the best our day has to offer. We skim the surface of our real lives, we leave out the fights, the struggles and the embarrassments and only show the successes and the triumphs. We only let the camera show the pretty dress and not the Uggs that are old and worn and not appropriate for display.
We show our lovely reception area, but hide the ratty holding area of our lives. We frame everything to show the good and hide the bad. And that 10% is what the rest of the world thinks we are living and of course no one can live up to that life.
When my son was growing up I probably told him way more about the truth of life than I should have. I would be told over and over how you should hide your disagreements from your children, how you should watch what you say around them. Now there is a limit to what a small child should hear or know, I get that. And I am certainly not saying I did everything right. But I talked to Jon, I shared with him and when he got old enough, he felt safe to share with me. He knows life isn’t easy sometimes and that people who love each other sometimes disagree.He knows that puppies and rainbows don’t fill every day. When he was a bit older I asked him if I had shared too much, if he would prefer to be kept in the dark about family problems and issues. He looked at me with the intelligent, common sense approach he has always had and said, “Mom, if you don’t tell me what is going on, how do I know what to say, how to respond to things and what to pray about?”
I have been trying to make some big decisions lately and I have been influenced a lot by what I see other people do. It seems that most people can accomplish so much more than I do in a day. I question every choice I have. What should I do to make a difference, to change the world? What am I supposed to accomplish? Is enough ever enough?
I have received so many lovely cards lately and I almost feel ashamed that although I send cards often, I haven’t done enough. I have tried to be helpful in many different areas of life, but somehow I never feel like I am. I feel like a fraud when someone praises me because I am sure I could have done better, been better.
Jesus told us to “Love our neighbor as ourselves.” I try so hard to do for my neighbor, whoever that might be. Of all of my choices in life, I always try to think, what would be most beneficial to the world at large? What might make the biggest impact? Am I measuring up to the other people that I know? The answer is almost always NO!
But what about the other side of what we are taught to do? If we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, doesn’t that mean we have to love ourselves, too?? We would never (or should never) hold others up to the unreachable standard we are holding ourselves up to! We see the 10% of someone else’s “picture perfect” life on Facebook and measure ourselves by it, beat ourselves up for it. We aren’t that thin! We aren’t that clever! We aren’t that talented! And we will never be able to do all that we see others doing for the world.
I found myself thinking that others have lost parents and they seemed to move on and get over it quicker than I am. They don’t cry every time they step into the church, or get teary eyed when someone serves them communion. I was asked to serve communion this past week and said no, because I feared getting tears (or snot) in the cup. Then I felt guilty for not doing it! What kind of a wimp am I anyway!?
I don’t know about you, but I am doing the best I can today. I might can do better tomorrow. Maybe I won’t be a bit better. I am trying to do for others, but I am trying to take care of me, too. That way maybe there will be more of me to share with others.
I want to be the perfect person, perfect wife, perfect mom, great writer and actress, amazing decorator and cook, but I am not. I want to show my “pretty life”, but I feel compelled to embarrass myself and my family by telling the ugly truth, probably too much of the truth! I feel compelled to let you know I have the worn out Uggs on below the camera’s view. And I want you to know it is OK if you do too!
We are all just trying to get by the best we know how. We need to give ourselves a break, forgive ourselves at the end of the day. We need to know that no one’s life is perfect and the more someone says their life is perfect on social media, the more they are probably hiding from everyone, maybe even themselves. So pull on your sweat pants, pour a glass of wine and just be thankful you had another day to do the best you could, not the best you think some one else can do. Stop comparing and start living.
