I honestly thought after such a bad audition on Friday and thoughts of quitting theatre forever I would have a hard time going back to rehearsal today. But it was just the opposite. I talked to some of my fellow cast mates who were also auditioning for other stuff this weekend. They too had stories to tell about their auditions that made me laugh. Then we joked around together as a family might and put on a hell of a show even though it was only our first tech/dress rehearsal. I came home and told Tim all of our stories and he looked at me oddly. I had an a-ha moment. I have sounded like a crazy person all of these years, discussing my feelings of joy and insecurity all rolled into one. Tim never knew what to say or how to help me. As I told him the other stories of my cast mates he said, “All of you are nuts!” And that is when it hit me. I have seemed strange all of these years because I have not been with my own kind. But being with other actors, I don’t seem so strange after all. We are all constantly being praised and then shot down. We are perfect for a part and then not even called back for another. We are one character for one show and the exact opposite the next. We have to be different from who we are and yet put a piece of ourselves in the part. We are all nuts. I have finally found “my peeps”!!
That is why I will continue to audition and enjoy the small parts- I have found my home. Other people who can endure the judgement, put themselves out there, become someone else, adjust to failure and take triumph in stride. Who can cry when they are rejected and yet go on and rejoice when they are applauded, but not get the big head. Who can laugh at themselves and believe in themselves. Share a laugh with an audience and bring you to tears. Who can always be dramatic and yet not take themselves too seriously. Can dream and imagine and hope even when being cut to the quick. Those are the people I love to be with, rehearse with and put a show on with. That is who I will strive to be around and be like. Those are my people.
