It is really easy for any of us to get caught up in the latest TV show, video games or facebook messages and forget to really talk to real people. I guess that was my favorite part about my trip to Panama. For 9 days I was without a TV, radio, cell phone or computer. At the airport in Birmingham, as we were getting ready to depart, I was still conflicted on whether to take my phone or not. I was assured that one person on the trip had a phone that worked internationally and in Panama we would have access to another. I changed my mind several times until, with tears in my eyes I gave Tim my phone and told him goodbye. We have never been out of contact for so long in 30 years of marriage. But I made the decision to be without him for that long.
Of course, as soon as we landed in Miami everyone pulled out their phones and I realized I was the only person (as usual) who had actually followed the instructions and left my phone at home! But even when asked about using someone else’s phone to call Tim, I declined. I had made a decision and I was going to stick to it. Also, I knew hearing his voice would not only make me question my decision to leave the phone, but the decision to go so far away for so long without him! So I stuck to my plan and did not call home when we arrived in Miami or Panama. The next day when offered Facetime I caved in, but for the most part I stayed away from technology.
After meals our leader would often ask a question that sparked conversation, discussion and many times led to the youth sharing stories of their life or family. One night in particular we began sharing stories after devotions. Even though we were exhausted, we talked for hours. I mostly just listened. Afterwards, all of the girls commented on how much they loved that night and all of the stories of miracles and faith that were shared. When our leader asked us to not get right back on social media the day we got home, I think he was hoping everyone would go home and share the stories of our trip, not just with pictures or 140 character tweets, but by telling stories to our loved ones. It is the way societies worked back in the day and how our Ngobi friends carry on their heritage and customs even today. It was wonderful to talk so much and use our memories and imaginations during our trip.
This is my last post about the trip. I am rehearsing a play and about to audition for several more. I have to honestly say I went into this trip with no preconceived notions. I only hoped it helped me reconnect to my faith and the youth of our church. The youth I connected to have graduated and are moving away. As for my faith, I still have work to do. I learned a lot about me and about Panama on the trip, but I did not have the life changing experience so many people talk about having on these missions. I saw where I could be more productive elsewhere. I did not feel like my talents and time were used to their best advantage on this trip. I thought a group of construction people could have done much more in a week, probably the workers there could have done more in that week if they had not had to stop and teach us what to do and then watch as we tried and sometimes failed to get the job done. I know we were there to show we cared and were trying to be of service, but I did not get the “warm fuzzies” thinking we had done anything “extraordinary.” I am just being honest! I guess I am too practical and too type A to be satisfied with my productivity on the trip.
I loved learning about the people I met, I loved seeing a new country, I loved the food, I loved the storytelling. I am so glad I went, but I am not sure that I will do it again. I know there is something I should be doing and I am not exactly sure what that is. I know I feel most fulfilled when I am at rehearsal or at home taking care of my family. I guess that is maybe shallow and too narrow of a focus. I will continue to explore and learn, I don’t know how to stop that! I will continue to search for what I am supposed to be doing. But in the meantime I will continue to act and enjoy my life. “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans” is a favorite quote from John Lennon. I don’t want to miss life while I am busy planning for something more. My life is enough, if I can find more meaning along the way, then great! But if what I have is all I get- believe me, that is plenty!
