Schrodinger’s Cat is an experiment that is really quite awful if you do research on it. It involves a cat, radioactive material and poison. I am no scientist but I heard about it on “The Big Bang Theory”, a TV show I enjoy. One of the characters reminds me of my socially inept father who was a scientist, if my father were younger and funnier. The other day they mentioned this experiment about the cat in a way that was humorous, something my research did not show. On TV the experiment merely left you wondering if the cat in the box was dead or alive. It left the answer to your imagination until you actually open the box. Then reality sets in- you either have a live kitty who is mad to have been in the box or a dead cat you have to deal with. (In the actual experiment, it seems the cat is dead no matter what- not quite so humorous. We will proceed with the funnier explanation!)
The experiment makes me think of the whole glass half empty or half full idea. Until you open the box you can be optimistic about the cat or you can assume the worst. You get some clues as to the truth I guess- do you hear movement, what was the cat like before the box was closed, etc. But until you really open the box, you can believe whatever you want. A good outcome or not.
Life is kind of like that and for me the past few hours have definitely been like that. All of my life I have tried to be brave and put myself out there, outside of my comfort zone. If I hear or see or think of something I want to do, but I am scared of it, then I sign up and push myself to face the challenge. Now I don’t get crazy- no jumping out of planes or anything. More personal things that I can face without loss of limb. But I have an active imagination and I always imagine the outcome of my adventures way before they happen. I worry myself unnecessarily most of the time. I also prevent lots of problems by imagining the possibilities and planning ahead. But on to the situation at hand.
As I told you yesterday, I had my first real audition post graduation. It was really my first full-fledged audition ever outside of school. When I got home from this audition, as is my habit, I went over it and over it in my mind. I thought of what I could do better next time and hopefully will learn from that. I thought of what I did right, that did not take long! I thought about what I would do with my audition as a director (having studied directing quite a bit, I now have a very different perspective on how hard of a job that is!) Bottom line, it is all subjective and as an actor all you can do is your best at the time and then wait. It is all about being judged and the opinion of the director and what he imagines for a particular part. It is out of your control. Much like the cat in the box. Until the results are revealed, you have no idea what is about to happen.
I thought the cast list might be posted last night. Right before I went to bed I looked on line to see if it was- it was not. When I got up this morning, I put off turning on my computer and looking for as long as possible. After all, as long as I don’t open the box, the cat is still alive in my mind. I am still in the running- there is still a shred of hope. On the other hand, I can easily convince myself that I was awful and I don’t even need to look, I know it won’t end well!
I just looked and there was a message saying that lots of great people auditioned and the cast list would be up in the next few days. More waiting!! But as long as I don’t know for sure, there is hope. I always got excited to get a test back while in school- it was like gambling in Vegas. You know what you did right, you know what you made an educated guess on and you know what you are sure you missed. You then add in luck and timing. It is just a matter of how it all came together to make your score. I always found it exciting to be handed a test after the agony of waiting for the results. But I usually did OK on tests. They are less luck and more preparation than Vegas so it was like hedging your bet. Waiting on a cast list is different, only one person can get a part, with a test everyone can make a good grade! So I will continue to wait. For now I can go back and forth whether the cat is still alive or I killed it. Is it better to imagine the best (or worst) or to know the truth? You know I am all about the truth. But for now I have to live with the momentary uncertainty, my imagination and that the possibility, like that cat, could be alive or dead.
