I am a workaholic- I admit it. I really don’t want to be rehabilitated either. I get so much done and I enjoy most of what I do. If I take on a project, I put myself into it 100%. It really does not bother me, but I am aware that I bother other people. It bugs my husband especially when I am so absorbed into something and I think about it constantly.
Today was my first day of spring break. I made a list of all of the things I have to accomplish this week in order to get through the last 5 weeks of school- my ACTUAL LAST 5 WEEKS of school. I have taxes to do on Monday and papers to write on Tuesday, housework on Wednesday and meetings on Thursday. I need to do my Shakespeare every day and memorize my Restoration monologue. I need to run some errands and get groceries. I know that this does not sound like much of a “break,” but if I can be ready for the end of the semester and organized by this Friday I will be happy!
In my plan I had decided to just enjoy the weekend- no work. Just time with my family, maybe read a magazine or two and relax. But I am struggling. I spent the morning looking at apartments with my son, Jon and then we watched the Alabama basketball game as a family. Now I should read or catch up on some TV, but I know all of the work I have ahead of me and I have a hard time relaxing knowing these tasks are out there, waiting on me. I am a perfectionist which means nothing is ever good enough or completely finished. I often have to just say to myself, “OK, it is done, STOP!”
Yesterday I had a rehearsal of my Shakespeare scene at school. It was the last thing I had to do before the break officially began for me. My scene partner and I met with our professor and we were able to ask lots of questions and talk about our characters. Doing this scene is something I have dreaded all semester and learning the lines over the past week has made me even more scared. But after our meeting I was so excited to get to work on the scene. So all last night I kept going over the lines, thinking about what I wanted to do. On the other side of my brain I could hear a voice saying, “Not today! You need a break. Get back to it on Monday. Rest!” But the other side of my brain kept repeating the lines.
So now I am alone. Tim has gone to work a wedding and Jon is back at his apartment. It is gorgeous outside and I have stacks of unread magazines, several recorded TV shows and other things I could do. But my guilt keeps coming back to say, “You have tons to do. If you don’t do it now, it is going to pile up on you again!” Can I defeat the part of my brain that thinks I should work all of the time with the other part that just wants to shut down for a day or two and relax? Can I get all of my work done if I skip a day or two? Am I crazy to think that all of this work is, in actuality, probably more enjoyable than sitting around doing nothing constructive?
If it were summer and I had nothing on the horizon, trust me, I can lounge with the best of them. My friend Stephen can tell you that on the beach I can sit and read for hours. He changes chairs and fidgets and goes for walks and I just sit, totally relaxed and happy. But when I know I have work that needs to be done, shutting off that voice reminding me of my obligations is hard. Maybe I should just work and get done and then try to rest? I think I’ll go vacuum, reciting Shakespeare while I decide!
