And later on today…

I won’t go into details, but I am hurt beyond measure. I have been hurt before, probably worse than this because I think those that you love and respect hurt you the deepest. The person who hurt me today I do not love- I don’t really even like them! But it still hurt to be treated this way. It always catches me off guard when people disrespect me. You would think as old as I am that I would know how to handle it. I can tell each and every one of you that at some point people will disrespect you, talk down to you, underestimate you. Don’t take it. I don’t, but I am usually so shocked I say nothing at the time. But I always get my moment to show them who I really am and let them realize what they really are. So I have learned not to fret.

It does not change the fact that I feel hurt and that I cry. I just wrote a post about crying and how I don’t waste my tears but maybe I do. Or maybe sometimes that is the only way to move on. To cry for what others say to you and obviously think of you. I told my friends in my BFA project tonight that success was the best revenge so I have to scrape myself off of the floor and be successful. But it is so upsetting to me to get smashed into the floor like this to begin with. I wish I could be hard and just take it. WELL ACTUALLY- no I don’t. I don’t want to be thick skinned and not feel things. I think as an actor ( and damn it, I am an actor) you have to feel things. So I will feel the pain and hurt to the nth degree and then I will turn that hurt to better use and be more than anyone thought I could be.

And if anyone says that was the plan all along I say don’t try to justify your injustice. Yes- we learn lessons from the death of loved ones and from oppression and from any awful event we survive. That is one of the ways we grow, by learning lessons from everything we go through. It does not justify the person who hurts us, just because we learned something from the experience.

So I will grow and move on. I WILL succeed because that is who I am. I will take the experience and remember it. I will get my moment.