I heard some things today in church that sent my mind in a different direction. For starters I heard the youth sing the line, “We are accepted as we are” and I know that the line is true, at least from the perspective of Jesus. I know that often I don’t feel accepted as I am and I am never sure if that feeling is coming from others or from within my own mind. Either way, I try to remember that I am accepted by the One who matters.
I also heard a Bible reading starting with 2 Corinthians 6:14 which stated 14-Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15-What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?
As the minister went on to speak about how this is often taken out of context and how it can contradict other things Paul wrote to the Corinthians, my mind wandered to a different time and place.
I thought about how fortunate I was that my husband Tim did not take this verse to heart or listen to it too literally. After all, I was unchurched and quite frankly a mess when he and I met and eventually began dating. He did not decide that he needed to only consider a woman who was righteous and a believer. He stepped out on faith, seeing the possibilities within me. He yoked himself to an unbeliever and turned my life around.
When the sermon turned to who we should take care of, who we should bring a casserole to in their times of need and which “needs” were acceptable and which were not, we were told to err on the side of grace. Every time. When in doubt, take care of everyone. When unsure, treat every need equally. When we don’t know whether to take that casserole, just take it.
I still struggle with my lack of a church upbringing. I don’t know all of the “kiddie songs” from Sunday School since I have never attended Sunday school in my life. Strangely enough I have taught kindergarten Sunday School a few times, but I’ve never been a member of a class myself. (I never would teach above a first grade level because I fear the participants would know so much more than I do!)
I have taken so many Bible studies, yet never felt at ease to really contribute more than questions. I always thought to myself before I spoke, “Why would I say anything, when I know nothing?” Just like in these posts, I have lots of questions and zero answers.
Often when I start to send a note, attend a funeral, take a casserole, I realize how ill equipped I am to give comfort, make a difference, fix something edible. When I want to just see someone, hug them, sit with them, I worry that I have nothing substantial to offer and decide against insinuating myself into someone else’s life.
I have had my friends comfort me and bring me food when I was in need many times, yet I feel somehow inadequate to return the favor. I see how they rally around others when in need and I always hang back, unsure how to participate.
I rarely leave a conversation that I don’t think I have talked too much, shared too much, told too many stories or left too many silences. I take myself out of group situations for fear of saying the wrong thing, making things worse instead of better.
While I listened to the words this morning, I realized that I have been a coward. I have been hiding, finding excuses to keep to myself. I have had good intentions, but often that is the end of what I do because I second guess what is really best for the person I want to be there for, I worry about how things will be perceived and how I will look if I put myself out there.
It is easy to share my thoughts and feelings on a computer in a room alone. It is harder to take the chance and go out into the world to share. Erring on the side of grace, taking that chance that if I am going to get it wrong, at least let me get it wrong trying to do the right thing. Let me mess up while loving rather than hiding. Let me question my conversation because I was too open and honest and caring rather than I was too scared.
Hearing those kids sing that they are accepted for who they are, made me wonder how I would feel about myself if I had grown up feeling accepted for who I am. It made me tear up and smile all at the same time knowing that the kids up there singing are facing more than I ever did or ever will, but they have that statement to fall back on. They have those of us who actually mean it when we say they are accepted and loved for who they really are.
In this world where our Instagram image and our Facebook posts are airbrushed and cleaned up to show the best of our lives, now more than ever we need to be reminded that we are loved just as we are, mistakes, blemishes and all.
And I need to remember that Jesus erred on the side of grace when it came to me. Hopefully, I can put aside my pride and my fears so that I can extend that same grace to others, even when I am not sure what I am doing or how I should do it.
