One of the things that I see young actors (both young in age and in experience) struggle with is how to not look aware of being aware. What do I mean by this?
One of my favorite onstage roles was my first show in college. I know I have mentioned it many times, partly because I truly loved doing it and also because my husband hated it! I loved it because I learned so much about acting and about myself during the show, my husband hated it because he thought it was weird. It was! Another reason for me to love it!
One of my favorite scenes from that experience was when I was trying to get to someone and a guard holds me back. As I stepped forward towards the edge of the stage, the strong guy playing the guard would grab me and pick me up off of the ground. I worked hard at pretending I didn’t know that he was about to grab me, so that it would seem natural. So it would seem unexpected.
When doing a play, you have to rehearse many times to know where to go, what to do, what to say. As one of the very experienced actors in the last play I worked on kept saying, you don’t learn your lines at rehearsal. That is something that you have to do on your own time, as quickly as possible.
However, putting it all together and fine tuning your performance is done at rehearsal. And by the time the show opens, hopefully you know right where you want to be and what you are supposed to say, so that you can then act and be in the moment confidently.
For all of the practice and thought an actor has put into their performance, for all of the quick thinking that has to be done if something doesn’t go right, for all of the preparation that is going on backstage to get ready for the next entrance, the next scene change, the next line, the one thing that seems hard to remember is – you as a character don’t know what is about to happen.
No one can see the future. The past 4 weeks of my life have not been at all what I had planned. I had to take every intention I had and put them away to deal with real life. Trips were cancelled, schedules were changed, routines disrupted, all with no warning. I know others who have had their lives turned upside down in those same 4 weeks, who have lost loved ones and had unforeseen turmoil.
That is real life.
As an actor, you know your character’s future, but as that character you don’t know. So you know and don’t know! You have to experience the same thing for the first time over and over again. You have to be prepared, yet spontaneous; be purposeful, yet make it look fresh. You have to be aware of what is going to happen, but not look like you are anticipating it.
Real life doesn’t give you fair warning. It doesn’t usually say, “Just act surprised even though you know what is going to happen and you are ready.” It throws you a curve when you least expect it, it takes away something you counted on without warning, it takes away people you still need.
In acting, there is often a fine line between the real and the imaginary. I had a director once tell me not to cross that line in a very painful scene and when I came close, I knew what she meant. Walking between your life and your character’s life is challenging. Just living each day can be much more challenging.
Every day we live what is real and sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it is wonderful. Sometimes it is confusing. We are never really prepared.
On stage we can feel emotions and covey them to the audience who feels for us, with us. At the end of the show, we can bow, somewhat shake it off and move on. In real life, it isn’t that simple.
