As usual, I have papers to write, but would rather blog. Our director told us to do something relaxing and fun today. I have had fun spending time buying new furniture with my son for his new, gorgeous apartment but relaxing it was not! I probably need a nap but naps only make me angry, so I am here at the keyboard.
I have wanted to write all week but could not find the time. Our show, Heartbreak House was in tech and then opened so I have been overwhelmed. Next week is the last week of school, then finals. I honestly do not think I can get it all done. But for now I am trying to concentrate on and enjoy the last two times we do Heartbreak House. Every time I think it is about to be over, I get teary eyed. Now don’t get me wrong, this process has been almost too much, what with The Pablo Cruise Incident overlapping it some and my twenty hours of classes, personal things I have dealt with and more. But I have really never had an experience quite like this and the thought that it is almost over is too sad for me.
I have learned so much about myself and acting through this process, much more than any class I have taken. It has been a lengthy and thorough process of research, collages, music, discovery, artists’ dates and more. I have worked with most of my favorite people at school, from stage managers, to our director Tammy, to the other actors in the show. I have become Nurse Guiness and I love her.
I am the first to admit, I have a small role. It is not anything that most people would get excited about maybe. But she has become someone I will never forget and I think she is just what I needed at this time in my life. She has taught me alot and going through this process has helped me to grow. I think most of the other people in the play feel the same way.
But what makes the end so sad is knowing this could well be my last college play (I have my BFA project but it will be a completely different process) and that some of the people I love so dearly will graduate in two weeks and I might never see them again. Life goes on I know. People drift in and out of your life but I am sad to see this chapter end.
I asked Tammy’s daughter Kate last night when she would be six years old and her answer was, “When I am through being five!” Oh, how I wished it worked that way! That things could continued until we were really ready to move on. But time moves on without us and we are just dragged along for the ride.
I am so passionate about things. I love to write and I love to sing and I love to decorate and cook, I could go on and on. This play has taken that passion to a whole new level and I am not sure I will recover when it is over.
My husband had to go to the funeral of a 93 year old friend of ours on Friday without me because I had to be at school, but he sent me a text from the funeral. He said he hoped we would grow old together like this couple had and have lots of people there for us at the end, like this gentle man. I cried right in the library because I was not with Tim and have not really been there for my family for weeks. I feel such guilt and no one at school understands how it rips me up inside to walk out the door each morning and know I will not be home until late that night- no dinner fixed for them, no fellowship around the table. You would think I am thrilled to have my time free again.
But leaving the stage, saying good bye to my fellow cast mates, knowing this whole experience is about to end saddens me as well. No more time in the make up room, watching these lovely ladies get hair and make up. No more joking around with my “maids” or flinging insults at Matt. No more falling over Frank or laughing at Michael in his turban. No more prayer time before the show with Courtney. And no more “Nurse Guiness.” So I go to the theatre tonight ready to do it again but sad as the end draws near. Never will I ever have an experience exactly like this again. But I am so grateful I got to have this experience at all. Thank you to all of the cast and crew. I love you!
