Like everyone, sometimes I lose my way. I get fired up about something and then I let that fire just fizzle out. I start in a direction and a shiny object pulls me a different way. I have no excuse other than being human.
Last night I realized I had let a spark go out and hadn’t even realized it.
I have always been a huge believer in the arts and the power of not only theatre, but music, dance, visual arts and more. I have always thought that art is what makes life worth living and is God’s gift to us. It is a way to share thoughts, stories, ideas and it is powerful.
In the academics of art, I kind of got disillusioned. I didn’t realize it at the time. I kept posting the right things, saying the right things, and trying to do the right things. But the fire that caused me to make eloquent pronunciations about the power of theatre to anyone who would listen, the excitement that caused me to return to school in the first place, was slowly dying. It didn’t completely go away, it just got lost in the day to day.
And then I became a critic. I tried to be fair, to notice all of the things I had been taught about- levels and characterization, technical issues and blocking. I went to shows I really didn’t care about. Sometimes I was pleasantly surprised and liked them, sometimes not as much.I tried to not write about shows I didn’t like unless they were professional shows I had paid a fortune to see or were something I had promoted pre-show and felt I had to set the record straight about after viewing. My whole objective was to support the theatre community, so why would I be negative?
Somewhere in all of this I lost the joy, the excitement and the love of theatre.
When I decided to quit BroadwayWorld and return to working on shows and not critiquing them, I was scared and nervous. But I also was not enthused. I kept pushing aside my thoughts, thinking it was “just nerves.” I thought about auditioning for something and talked myself out of it. I was asked to stage manage and thought I could do that without too much trouble. I was then asked to sing and the spark was sort of reignited.
Last night I went with my husband and another couple to see a play. I had heard it was funny and that the talent was good. I hear that a lot, though. No one is going to write about their friends on Facebook and say, “Wow! That was awful!” or “Hey, my friend really embarrassed herself last night!” So I go to every show with a flicker of doubt.
To be honest, I really haven’t wanted to see much lately. I got burned out, disillusioned and cynical my last few months writing reviews. I just needed a break.
But something kept pulling me to see this show. I figured it would be silly. After all, the title is “BINGO, The Winning Musical.” And rumor was we would actually play bingo as part of the show. So I made reservations to go alone and see the show last week.
On the day I was supposed to go, it was storming. I had spent the day texting with my husband who was in the midst of a family crisis. I was ready to spring into action if he needed me. When he sent word that all was OK and he was headed home, the rain, thunder and lightening outside was at full force. And the apathy towards getting out for another silly show pushed me to cancel my reservations.
But again, something pulled me to go see the show. So this time I invited Tim and friends to go with me. We made a night out of it, dinner, great conversation (lots of it about theatre) and then we walked over to Terrific New Theatre at Pepper Place.
I was given a clipboard with bingo cards, a dauber with which to mark numbers and a program. I walked into a kitschy bingo parlor set, listened to lively warm up music and waited for the show to begin.
The show was fun and silly. The talent was good and the direction made the show seem natural and real. The singing was on point, yet didn’t make me feel like any of the performers were divas I could never measure up to. They made me feel like “I wish I was up there singing with them.” And we did play Bingo! Three fast paced games of Bingo, in fact.
The whole thing made me comfortable. It made me forget the trauma that the world keeps bombarding me with. It made me smile.
After I got home I washed my face, brushed my teeth and headed to bed. When I finished the nightly talk shows and sat there in the dark, I began to think about the play I had just seen. I thought about how relaxed I was, how with all of the games and songs and laughs, there had actually been a lesson communicated in the story. It was a lesson I had actually experienced recently in my own life, but without the jokes or songs to make it more bearable.
And then it hit me! That is what I love about theatre. Not the politics between theatres companies, not the fear of rejection or the judgment of others. It is telling a story in such a way that even a tough lesson is fun. Making your audience forget, if only for a minute, that the world out there is difficult and at times (like now) crazy. It is an escape.
That is not to say a serious play with a more definitive moral to the story doesn’t have it’s place- it absolutely does. And sometimes that is just what I need. Other times I need a mystery to watch and try to solve in my mind as I watch. It is all valuable and necessary. And then I realized, the fire was back.
This silly, enjoyable, musical night had reopened my eyes to why I love theatre. I didn’t have to be there for work. I didn’t have to try to analyze every aspect of the show. I could just immerse myself in the frivolity and entertainment and BINGO! the fire was back.
Never would I have guessed that the night would end with me a little teary eyed, rekindling my passion. It reminded me that it isn’t about showing off, or being so pretentious like I have witnessed from some folks. It is just about making the world a better, happier, more enlightened place. About telling a story.
I tell my acting students that if you haven’t told your story, whether it be in your monologue, your song, your lines or whatever, you might as well have stayed home. Maybe I need to just focus on telling my story, whether on stage or here on my blog and all of the rest will take care of itself.
So thanks BINGO, The Winning Musical. You won me over and I am back. And my story is out there, ready to be lived.
