I know you guys aren’t going to believe this, but at the beginning of this past summer I applied to law school. I did it because it is something I wanted to do as a young person, but as an older person, I could really see the practicality in it.
While helping with my mother- in law’s estate I realized we spent a ton of money on a lawyer who basically took a piece of paper to the courthouse and answered a few questions for me. Otherwise, I did all of the work. Don’t get me wrong, his answers were invaluable, but if I had the knowledge and the credentials to go to the courthouse, I could have saved everyone a lot of money.
Then I saw two friends try to set up a 501c3, one much easier than the other. Again, I felt that was something I wanted to be able to help with.
Then my son, the entrepreneur, kept coming to me with new ideas which would take a lawyer to set up.
Lastly, I knew that if my dad passed away before my mom, I would have to be on my game to help her through the mess he would leave.
So I applied to law school in May. Throughout the summer I waited to hear from the school, but got nothing. Finally around July I contacted them to ask if I had been rejected, (which was what I expected all along) or if I needed to submit something further. I was told that since I didn’t want to begin until the first of the year, they were holding my application until November 1 which was the deadline for that term. I would be notified then. I had four months to wait, so I put it out of my mind and went on with life.
Then life happened. My mom died unexpectedly and I no longer needed to be a lawyer to protect her. I got the chance to teach a summer camp and a fall workshop and realized how much I missed acting. My son came to us with a new radio show and a new contract to sign. Although Tim has a business degree and lots of experience with contracts and I have a knack for deciphering legalese, I would have felt better with an actual law degree. Which way should I go?
I spent four months grieving, soul searching, and waiting. I researched and realized I had to choose, there was no way to do both- acting and law school. My son got his radio show and we began to go to live remotes to watch him. It was fun! My husband talked about trying to travel more. I began to feel differently about life and how short it is.
I realized that time had passed, it was mid November. I was convinced I had not been accepted and should move on. I wasn’t devastated by that realization, so I knew that maybe I really had no passion for law school any longer. And at my age, shouldn’t I do what I have a passion for? Shouldn’t I fill my days with things that make me feel alive and fulfilled?
Just as I began to question everything- can I even really act? am I a very good teacher?? would I be better as a lawyer?? what is my real calling?? – I got the letter. I had been accepted to law school.
And that afternoon I got another message, I had gotten the commercial. How in the world am I supposed to know what to do when I get such mixed signals from the universe??
I had a heart to heart with Tim and then with one of my close friends. In both conversations I talked with duty and honor about what I could do for others with a law degree. I talked of the sacrifice of my time, my family, my acting in order to go to law school at night. It would take four years straight through- no summer break. I felt like a martyr going into battle as I spoke.
And then I talked about the kids I taught, the laughter we shared, the impact I felt that I had on them. I talked about the upcoming plays I had wanted to audition for and what those scripts meant to me. I spoke with passion and enthusiasm. I realized the difference.
I remembered the words of a saint in our church years ago who told me that God gives us joy in the things he wants us to do. She could tell I was not joyful in the work I was doing at the time and she told me that I was taking someone else’s spot, someone who would be joyful doing that work. And she was right.
I remembered another church member who told me when I was faced with another decision between two good options almost 20 years ago, that God works with us, even when we make a mistake. I know that either choice is a good one, just as it was years before and that whatever choice I make, God will work with it. I know I will follow through on either road I travel, but shouldn’t I at this point in life choose the road less traveled? The one that scares me to death, but thrills me to no end? That takes me to the heights and makes me feel alive?
So I have made my decision. I had a fork in the road and I had to choose a path. God will walk with me, no matter what path I choose, so I am not afraid. Well, maybe a little bit. OK, a lot. But I am also excited. And isn’t that really what we want in life, a little fear, a lot of excitement, and someone to walk with us. Acceptance is a good thing, but an exciting life and real passion is better.
