I just heard on a talk show that when Hillary said she was sorry in her concession speech, it was the first time those words had ever been uttered in a speech of that kind. As the conversation went on it was pointed out that women say “I’m sorry” more than men. It’s not that men aren’t willing to apologize, a study stated, but they rarely feel like they have done anything wrong.
I find myself apologizing all of the time. Often afterwards, I realize I had nothing to apologize for. I said I’m sorry because I wanted to be waited on while a store clerk was gossiping on the phone. My correct comment should be excuse me, not I’m sorry. I have even said I ‘m sorry when I bumped into furniture!
I think as women we do find ourselves apologizing just for being sometimes. As I stated in a past post, we try to be small and not make waves. I feel like my generation (or maybe it was just me!) was taught to be quiet and invisible.
I remember one of my voice teachers in college telling me to sing like I was a large person, to try to fill the room with my presence and to be as big and powerful as possible. For a small, polite, Southern girl that was a really hard request.
Today I had a conversation with one of my favorite people in the theatre world. She is another one of those people that I don’t really know, although I have at least met her. But through my reviews, Facebook conversations and email interviews I have grown to like and admire this woman.
She was unaware that I had given up reviewing and that after the first of the year I won’t be with BroadwayWorld at all anymore. I felt awful telling her all of this as a response to an invitation to a show and a compliment on what I meant to the theatre community. I felt like I was letting people down and typed the words, “I’m sorry.” But I realized that leaving this job was something I did for myself and deep down I know it is the best for me, my family and hopefully, ultimately for the theatre community as a whole. So I deleted the “I’m sorry” from my response.
I am not sorry I quit. I am certainly not happy if I disappointed anyone. I am not thrilled that the theatre community will not be covered as consistently any more. But when I really thought about it, the people reading my reviews were mostly other theatre people who were going to plays anyway. With no newspaper to put in the hands of the masses, so that a show can catch the eye of someone totally unaware of it’s existence, I was basically “preaching to the choir.”
I guess I gave a few theatres a tag line to use in their ads, but otherwise I was having a hard time seeing that I was making a true difference. And maybe for that I am sorry.
As women we must stand up and take up space. We have to show that we are tough, because we are! We have to take life and make it all that it can be. We have to stop people who take advantage of us because they think we are weak. I am tired of hearing about women who don’t support other women, who are catty to each other, who are subservient or uninformed. It is up to us to stay on top of issues, to make our voices heard.
I hope that I will be a little stronger as I continue to grow up. I hope that I will not be silent as often. Too often I stay quiet because I don’t want to offend anyone or be too loud. I hope that when I do something wrong, I will be willing to say I’m sorry. I hope that when I just need to say “Excuse me” and not “I’m sorry”, that I will know the difference.
I hope that the future generation of women remember to keep their manners, their vulnerability, their loving intact while being brave, strong, outspoken and larger than life. I hope we will grow in a way that keeps the qualities that make us special, while adding the qualities that will make us successful. I think with the combination of empathy, caring, perseverance and strength we can, should and will make a difference. And for that I am not sorry!!
