I read a really sad article today. Not a sob story per se, just an article about friendship that made me sad. It was about a study that stated that over half of the friendships we have are either not “real” friendships or are not reciprocated. In other words, you think someone is your friend, but they don’t think that.
I wrote about Facebook the other day and I have to say that although we are deemed “friends ” on Facebook and I do share a lot of myself on this blog through Facebook, most of my “friends” on Facebook need the quotation marks.
I have very few REAL friends.
As I was reading the article, my husband ran in the room and gathered his keys and wallet. His friend Wally had run out of gas out near Liberty Park and Tim was going to rescue him. Now there is a real friend. I am exceptionally lucky that my best, real friend is this man who will drop everything (he was in the middle of a bike ride when Wally called) and run to help.
He and Wally have been friends longer than I’ve known either one. ( Tim and I have been together 33 years!) They go for weeks without getting to talk, but the minute one of them has a problem or a funny story, they call and pick up where they left off.
I have a few friends who are there for me, although I am not sure I have a friend who would just stop what they are doing and come rescue me. I haven’t had to put that to the test, so who knows?!
I do know I have had some very one sided friendships. One of those imploded recently. It is very difficult when you feel like you give and give and give and then when you ask for the other person to be there for you they run. It hurts. A lot!
As sad as the study I was reading made me, I might could see their point. For all of the sharing and keeping up with each other we can do on Facebook (and I stand by what I said in a prior post) real friendship means that person will give you a hug when you need it, listen to you when you are confused and help you when you are lost or hurt or out of gas.
Like marriage, it isn’t always 50-50. In fact, it almost never is. When one is struggling, you give them 100% without question. If they can’t give anything at that point, you are OK with that. At some point the tables will turn and you will need them. It is when one person always takes, or you always try to make it balance out, that there is a problem.
I have four friends that meet for lunch once a month. We have raised our kids together and buried friends together. We have worshiped together and had drinks together. We have been through a lot. I know these women have closer friends than me and we have never traveled together. But I would call them in a heart beat if something awful happened. And I would do anything for them. We have a bond I can not explain in words.
I have two other friends I have a 25 year history with. We have gone on many trips together, we have bared our souls to each other many times. I have disagreed with things they have said or done. I have gotten angry with them a bunch of times. Our history and our love for each other makes us friends that can come back together after rough times. (Sometimes I think I am the only one who gets angry, goes away to cool off and then comes back. I am a hot headed Puerto Rican with Southern manners- what can I say!)
Overall, I need to know I can get a hug when I need one, from my fabulous husband or any of my group of friends. For all of the connection I feel with Facebook (and again, I stand by that!!) I need those real life friends to keep me going. And I need to realize that the loss of false friends, no matter how long I prolonged the misery, is OK, too.
Life goes on, real friendships go on and a hug can not be done on Facebook.
