For those of you who have read this blog for awhile, you know that I embrace change. Actually, I love change. If things don’t change every once in a while, I do something to force a change to occur. I rearrange furniture a lot, so that I can have a new view of things. I reorganize things so that I don’t reach for the same thing in the same place and get complacent. I love change! I try not to change just for change’s sake, but sometimes I do.
I have realized lately that I need a big change. Last time I felt like this, I went back to school and started this blog. It was a great idea (the going back to school part. The verdict is still out on whether this blog is such a great idea!) and although it was tough, I have no regrets.
I am a chicken at heart. I am scared of everything. So in order to put myself in these new and intriguing places I have to just say yes and then worry about the details later. If I commit to something, I will follow through and give it my all no matter what. Saying yes makes me do things I would normally not do. Risky? Yes! Crazy? Probably. But I know me and I know I would sit in my house and read magazines all of the time, if I was given half the chance.
Right now I have lots of things that I have said yes to that I am sort of afraid of. The biggest one is that I have agreed to go to a new church to sing for the next couple of months. I thought I had one more week before the move, but I found out today that this was it. As I realized it was my last day in my regular church, I got teary eyed.
I know it is only temporary. I know it will be fine and fun. I know that I am doing a good thing, for me and the church. I have missed singing and I feel a huge part of my joy has been gone because of not singing. I know that having to give up performing has played havoc with my happiness. This new church and singing in it will be awesome!
But my present church is the only church I have ever known. When my husband Tim took me there for the first time 33 years ago, it was the only church I had spent any amount of time in. I was married there, my child and I were baptized there, I have taught and been taught there and been in various positions of leadership there. I have lived my whole “real” life there.
I know I will be back, but it just kind of hit me today. I am making a big change for awhile.
I have also agreed to judge a competition that is new for me. I will travel and stay in a hotel by myself. I have agreed to help teach in some new ways and new places. I have decided to remodel parts of my house. (It starts in two weeks.) I have said yes to so many scary things all at once. And now I have to follow through.
I went to my church today for the last time for a while and as so often happens, the minister spoke directly to me. He talked about fear. And when he said not to be so afraid of worldly things, I swear he looked straight at me. And I knew that it would all be OK. Even if I have made a mistake along the way, it will be OK. I can do all of this and God will be there beside me as I work through it all.
So lots of changes ahead, maybe even some I haven’t mentioned to you. Maybe some I don’t even know are coming myself! But whatever happens, it will be OK. I am not alone!
