The kids I teach on Tuesday were awful yesterday. They are awful lots of days. I really think that they don’t want to be there and although they all say they want to be actors and singers, they do not want to work for it in the least. They think all you have to do is be discovered on the street and that anyone can act. They are clueless.
Yesterday they were loud and out of control. They were disrespectful and ill mannered. I realize that these kids don’t have good role models at home and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I worry that we give them too much benefit and it is really no benefit at all.
By that I mean, they have to survive in the same world as the kids I visited with last week. A class of similar aged kids who were in an acting class similar to mine. But they were quiet, respectful, and listened to every word their teacher said. They engaged in a delightful interview that I conducted with them. And these kids are already succeeding. They have parents at home who are able to pay for these classes and they are all extremely interested in the subject matter.
My point is that my class yesterday and the other class last week have kids in them that will someday all grow up and will want to succeed at something. How much good are we doing a group of kids by letting them get away with outrageous behavior just because we know they have a tough home life? We are setting them up to fail if we don’t expect excellence from them just like we do from the wealthier kids, aren’t we? The poorer kids can’t compete for a place in college or a job if they aren’t ever expected to actually participate in class and show a little self restraint. Right?
I can put the information out there for them, but if they never try, they think they are too cool to apply themselves, and they talk smack about each other every time anyone does participate, am I wasting my time?
Yes, they know I am there. Yes, they have made the comment that I actually keep coming back. Yes, I keep trying to show them love. But when is it detrimental to them and to me to keep trying to engage them when they don’t want to be there?
After they were so ill behaved yesterday we talked to them. The director was rather harsh (for her) in the things she said. Quite frankly, not harsh enough. I was about ready to cuss them all out and bodily throw them from the third floor window, but luckily I was taught a little self control! After she finished giving them a talking to, one boy said, “I am sorry. I will try to do better.” Before you say “awwww!” please know that within 30 seconds he was back to screaming at his friends and saying inappropriate things. And that was with me sitting next to him! He knew that saying he was sorry would placate us, but he had no plan of changing and was indeed not sorry at all.
I am afraid I am somewhat hardened, am a good judge of character and know how kids are. I don’t wear rose colored glasses and I honestly think discipline and structure are the kindest things you can do for a child. I never had to spank my son, but he knew the “stink eye,” as he calls it, when I gave it to him. And he is a successful grown up today because of it.
Today I watched a news story about a rapper who said a woman shouldn’t be president because they would make emotional, hysterical decisions. He was calm and deliberate in the interview where he made his statements. Someone, an agent or manager, later told him what he said was politically incorrect so he offered up an apology. Again, I do not believe his apology. He did what he felt he had to in order to sell his music. He isn’t sorry and I would think more of him if he stood by his small minded, prejudiced views rather than lie to all of us.
And then it dawned on me. How do we expect to raise a new generation of kids who are raised by celebrities on TV who model that behavior? And what good are we doing if we don’t tell them how it is and expect more from them? Does it not make the disparity between the wealthier kids who have some discipline and structure and the poorer kids who have little parental supervision even bigger?
And we, as misguided do-gooders, are we making it worse by letting them get away with bad behavior because we feel for them?
I have to say, I don’t feel sorry for them. I get angry with them just like I did when I saw my own child not doing the decent thing. I don’t pick up after these kids, they make a mess at snack time or dinner, they should clean up. Quite honestly, I think they should sweep the floor and wipe the tables, but I know that would never fly with this group.
I know I am strict, I am not sorry about that. I have wanted to tell them to get out of my class if they aren’t going to participate. I fear I would be in the room alone! Yesterday I did tell one person who was not going to cooperate to leave and go do homework. Next thing I know she is back and putting herself into a cupboard in the back of the room. You read that right, she got into a cabinet where she hid out the entire class. As long as she was not causing trouble, I really didn’t care. I think she should have had to go help set up for dinner or something useful. But I am mean! Again, no apology.
I worry all night on Tuesday nights, I lose sleep thinking about the future of these kids and our future as a nation if this keeps on going. If the disparities continue, if the world doesn’t change. I worry that I am not helping and if maybe I am actually hurting. I am trying, that is all I can say. I will not apologize for trying or for caring.
