Last night I went to a play reading. It was a new play written by a dear friend of mine from school. I was so proud of her and what she had created. Even more though, I was moved by the actual play. It was funny, touching and thought provoking. It certainly was what I needed to hear last night. When that happens, when a play or sermon or book seems to speak directly to me, I have to think God had a hand in that. (For those of you who thought my last post meant I no longer believe in God, read it again. I have doubts, I never said I don’t believe. Several of my ministers, two in particular, have told me that doubts are healthy. It makes you question, explore, and study which only strengthens your faith in the long run. The people you need to worry about are the ones who just buy whatever is being sold to them, without question, without using the brain God gave them to explore, study and doubt!)
After the play reading there was a talk back session with the actors and playwright. Some people wanted answers, but others were fine being left with questions. I am always OK with questions, it gives me something to ponder on down the road. As another friend of mine in the audience said, “That is the way life is- at the end of the day you are left without all of the answers!” And he is so right!
The play explored the thoughts, memories or possibly the actual visits of three people who were important to the life of a 24 year old woman who is unsure of what the future holds. She has just come from the funeral of the third visitor, a young man her own age. She was obviously very close to him, but it is never said whether they were close friends or more. The other two visitors are people who died on up in years, tough losses, but not the same as the young man she mourns. As I said, it was exactly what I needed to see and it made me think all night and into today.
This morning started the season of Lent. I woke a little earlier than usual (not super early- after all it is Lent, not the second coming, which is what it would take to make me get up really early for no particular reason!) I was able to workout, read, shower, dress and blog in a timely manner. I am excited to start this exploration I have laid out for myself- to delve into a quieter, more disciplined time. As it so happens I agreed to preview two books for potential group studies, so I have amazing material to work through (God at work again?? Maybe.) I plan to stop and smell the flowers, become stronger physically, and be here for my family. I think I may actually be thankful that the job I thought I would be doing for a week of this season fell though. I was very disappointed at first, but again it is probably for the best.
Before I went back to school, I would usually fast for portions of Lent. (I did it smartly, drank plenty of water and did not do it for prolonged periods of time.) In the three years I was in school I aged. I know that comes as a shock, but it is a true confession that I am having to deal with. During college fasting was something I did some days because of a lack of time, not for any spiritual reason. I came to the realization that my aging body no longer handles that well. Instead of the calm peace it used to cause, I now get fidgety, weak and usually end up sick if I don’t eat. So I have modified my Lenten plan to include a food regimen, but no fasting.
I am looking forward to what I will discover in the next 40 days (actually 46 if you count Sundays.) I hope to have insights to share, but who knows, I can not plan the future- I do know that. I hope that I am in a different place come Easter than I am right now, but again, who knows? Only time will tell. Today begins a journey, an adventure, and those are always educational if you look out for the lessons. Yesterday someone who is way smarter than he knows or lets on, told me that the lessons are out there for us all, but not all of us see them. I hope I find mine!
